Cow tippin’ and mudn: Another myth debunked?
By John David Powell (12/01/05)
“Another myth debunked?”
The headline from the Salt Lake Tribune (sltrib.com)
caught my attention, because I am widely known in some
very small circles as Mr. Answer Guy, the go-to guy
for those wanting to know if their latest email is a
fake, a phony, or a fraud.
And so, I started reading with great interest the
syndicated story from News of the Weird
(newsoftheweird.com) regarding a University of British
Columbia (ubc.ca) study into whether the ignoble
activity of cow tippin’ is real or a legendary prank.
I’m not sure where the practice of cow tippin’
originated. The first time I heard of it was from my
older daughter soon after we moved back to Texas from
New Mexico. I figured it was one of those Land of
Enchantment legends she brought with her, because I
didn’t remembered seeing many cows in Albuquerque.
Cow tippin’ (as we say in Texas, or cow tipping as
they probably say in British Columbia) is a cousin to
outhouse tippin’. Because I try to live in places
where indoor plumbing is kind of a regular thing, my
daughters are not familiar with outhouses. And they
sure as heck would never ever consider the absolutely
remote and totally stupid and gross idea of using one.
October was a great month for outhouse tippin’ up in
rural Illinois when I was a teenager. Fall, football,
homecoming, bonfires, outhouse tippin’. And the
occasional outhouse torchin’.
It would have been big laughs if someone were using
the outhouse when it was tipped. But, even in rural
Illinois, indoor plumbing was kind of a regular thing.
Cow tippin’ is a lot like outhouse tippin’, only
different. For one thing, there’s no chance of
someone sitting inside the cow. Or at least there
shouldn’t be. That would be an incredibly spooky
thing, now that I think about it.
Anyway, the idea is to drive around wherever cows hang
out until you find one standing off by itself. You
park your truck or whatever you’re using to haul
around a group of people (since not many folks can
accomplish a solo cow tippin’ as you will soon
discover), climb the fence, avoid the cow patties and
fire-ant mounds, and approach the unsuspecting bovine.
Cows, as a species, have not caught on to what can
happen to them when approached by a giggling gaggle
of teenagers, so there is little danger of the beast
bleating a quick retreat. According to my daughters
(yes, both claim to have participated in this
PETA-prohibited activity), everyone goes up to one
side of the cow and pushes until the cow tips over.
Knowing my daughters and their friends, I am sure they
discovered this method through a series of
trials-and-errors.
But, back to the UBC study. The Times of London
(timesonline.com), which carried the original story a
few weeks back, reported that the researchers claim
cow tippin’ is nearly impossible. With apparently not
much to do up there, these Canadian researchers
figured the newtons of force (also known as fig.
newtons of force?) required to tip over the average
cow. They did this by estimating the angles between
the left and right hooves and the point of push, along
with the resistance of the cow to downward pressure.
It must be so lonely up there.
Anyway, the researchers discovered that two
individuals could exert the required force only if the
cow stood stock still during the entire process.
So, how many folks does it take to tip a cow? The UBC
researchers say the answer is five. The story did not
say if researchers included the “big-and-burly” factor
into their calculations
Another good Texas activity is mudn. I assume it is
spelled m-u-d-d-i-n-g. But it’s pronounced mudn.
Seven letters -- one syllable. Texas vocabulary.
Mudn is just real simple. A truck and mud are all you
need. With those ingredients, you can keep a Texan
happy for hours. Better than tape on the fingers. My
younger daughter wanted to try the tape thing once,
but she couldn’t find any tape, so she used glue.
That must have been quite exciting in so many ways.
If an indoor activity is more for you, try a Texas A&M
(tamu.edu) tradition. I’m not sure of the official
name, assuming there is an official name. Until I
learn otherwise, I shall call it “dunk your class ring
in a pitcher of beer then quaff that sucker dry.”
Here’s how it goes: You dunk your class ring in a
pitcher of beer then quaff that sucker dry.
A young lady I know did this one weekend. Took her 22
minutes. Her husband holds some kind of record. He
did it in 90 seconds.
I do not know the origins of this Aggie tradition. It
seems to me, however, that it is a good warm up for
cow tippin’ or mudn.
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