How to Turn the Tables and Win the Fight for Christmas
By Justin Darr (12/17/05)
Merry Christmas! Strange how such a pleasant greeting could become ground zero in America’s culture war year after year. As in almost everything else, liberals have been trying, and largely succeeding, in perverting this conversational pleasantry into a statement of intolerance and bigotry.
There are a multitude of reasons the left hates Christmas. First, it is a religious holiday celebrated as a national holiday. Makes it kind of hard to deny the Christian heritage of the United States with that one on the books. Second, it portrays Christianity in a positive light. As you know, liberals hold that peace, hope, and happiness can only come from a large bureaucratic state, not an infant child born to die for our sins. And third, above all other holidays, Christmas is a celebration of the traditional values of faith, family, and giving that have made America great.
But the real reason the left hates Christmas goes far beyond the reasons listed above. The left hates Christmas because celebrating Christmas makes people happy. And, if there is one thing a true liberal abhors more than President Bush it is seeing people happy. The ultimate goal of the left in its attacks on Christmas is not merely to remove Christian influences from our society, but to make everyone else feel as miserable and unhappy as themselves.
After years of playing on the defensive, Americans who celebrate Christmas have had a few victories this year. Christians are now speaking with the wallets and boycotting many retailers who refuse to say “Merry Christmas,” parents are banding together to protest the exclusion of Christmas songs from elementary school Christmas concerts, and regular people by the millions are avoiding the myriad of “Festivals of Lights,” “Winter Pageants,” and “Year End Celebrations” that have come to litter the landscape of the Christmas Season. And, we are winning. However, for every victory there is another defeat. So, while the tide has turned, the battle for Christmas will wage on for years to come unless traditional Americans go on the offensive and turn the tables on the left and try to ruin a cherished holiday of theirs like they are ruining ours.
So, which holiday? This is rather difficult because the left hates nearly every holiday since they all to some extent celebrate traditional values and create the happiness the left loathes. May Day would be a possible choice, but it is not really celebrated in the United States. Nor would Groundhog Day work since it is more of a diversion than a real holiday, you might as well protest “National Pickle Week.” No, there is only one choice. The holiday we must target is the grand-daddy of all celebrations of the left, and their most sacred of sacred cows; Earth Day. But, you will need at least six of your friends to do it.
To begin, you should know that Earth Day falls on April 22^nd , so you will have to start your plans in early January at the latest if you are going to really ruin the celebrations.
The next step is to form yourself and your friends into a “concerned citizens group.” You do this by saying; “We are now the Concerned Citizens Group of Wherever.” You are now ready to start your letter writing and phone call campaign.
Have each member of your group write a letter to your town council president, local newspapers, and other civic groups saying you are concerned about the planning of your local Earth Day celebration lacking in sensitivity and inclusiveness. Do not tell them what offends you, that is for them to figure out, just sound really self-righteous and outraged. “I cannot believe you would allow such…” is a great start. Nor should you use your Concerned Citizens Group name in these initial letters, your group must form as a result of an ignored public outcry, not to incite one. Remember, the goal of these letters is to get no response, that way you can claim discrimination.
Next, begin your phone call campaign. Have each of your friends call the same organizations they wrote and make the same vague claims. You might even try a few local talk radio stations. You have now effectively doubled your numbers. Public organizations get letters about everything every day, and they are largely ignored. However, any number of written letters over five will seem like a lot, seven is an avalanche. Since most groups are too busy to compare the names of people who write to those who call, your two-pronged attack will create the impression that there are a lot of people who have a problem with the planning of Earth Day.
Hopefully, at this point you will still be ignored, or maybe simply the recipient of a few pleasant form letters acknowledging your concerns. Now your Concerned Citizens Group can go into action. Make some letterhead on your home computer and issue press releases to your previous list of organizations and local media that your group plans to attend the next town council meeting and demand an answer to why the concerns of tax paying citizens are being ignored. Now you will have some attention.
This is where your plan will probably fall apart. Try to be enigmatic about how Earth Day offends you as long as possible. Remember, in this day and age, being offended is a state of mind and usually has little to do with reality, so it is generally accepted without question.
If pressed for an answer, try “You see! You don’t know! That’s half the problem!” If that does not work just make anything up. Earth Day unfairly excludes the other planets of the Solar System; Earth Day makes the children of strip mine workers feel uncomfortable; Earth Day discriminates against those who feel environmental protection should be someone else’s responsibility. Anything will do because your goal, just like any liberal protest group’s, is not to make sense, but cause trouble, force Earth Day planners to defend themselves, and generally diminish the fun of those who enjoy Earth Day.
When the vicious attacks come, which they will, simply say, “That’s not what you said at Christmas,” and have a happy holiday.
© 2005 Justin Darr
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