The Unserious Party
By Michael R. Bowen (05/25/04)
The New Hampshire State Democratic Party convention took place this weekend in Manchester. I don't think they announced an overall theme for the conclave, but if they did, it would have to be something like "We Don't Want To Be Taken Seriously".
What else are we to make of a gathering of party luminaries which calls for things like a U.S. Department of Peace? I'm surprised they didn't demand a Department of Nice, and a Ministry of Fair. World history of the last hundred years and more has clearly validated the old Roman saying, "Let him who desires peace prepare for war", but the Democrats haven't gotten the message yet. Then again, maybe they're secretly hawks, not doves, and they know that the best way to bring on a war is to take the Chamberlain approach and tell the world you want peace at any price. This take is even more plausible when you consider the track record of new Cabinet positions created by Democrats. Take their Department of Education, for example, which has given us surging illiteracy. Or consider their Department of Energy. I guess we know what to expect from a Department of Peace.
Moving on, the Democrats resolved to end the "obscenity of war profiteering", which sounds like a nice idea, but it would be nicer if they'd start at the beginning by ending the Obscenity of Obscenity. That will be tough, considering that so many of their campaign donations come from the obscenity industry. Just last week, the nation's strip club owners launched a campaign to persuade their patrons to vote for Kerry. Talk about preaching to the choir. Of course, to Democrats profit really is obscene: they seem to believe all corporate profits are sucked directly from the veins of elderly retirees and poor children. No one should get rich by making a profit; true gentlemen get their money by inheriting it or marrying it.
We all know that the party of Kerry supports our troops. Except when it doesn't. The convention voted to express gratitude to members of the Armed Forces and their families, then put their money where their mouths are by demanding a 30% cut in the Defense budget. And though they "Really Support Our Troops", the Democrats wouldn't want their kids to join up, so they voted to demand exclusion of military recruiters from our public schools. Sort of a "Yeah, I support our troops. Some of my best friends are soldiers. But I wouldn't want my daughter to be one" moment. Democrats support our troops only when they are doing un-trooper things, like delivering milk and providing day care. When they actually make war, it's a different story.
Democrats really do Love America. They just don't think she's capable of justice. That's why the convention voted to surrender our sovereignty to the International Criminal Court, so that we may benefit from the sublime justice of nations like Sudan, where slavery is still practiced, and Iran, famous for its adherence to Miranda and the Bill of Rights. And Syria, where they handle religious nuts by slaughtering them en masse -- as the Clinton administration did at Waco, come to think of it.
So there you have it, folks. "Bring Our Troops Home Now", cut their funding, and hand them over to be tried by foreign dictators ….. but we support them. Manufacturing war materiel at a profit is obscene, but obscenity isn't. There are hate-filled lunatics out there just itching to blow us all up and cut off our heads, so let's have a Department of Nicey-Nice. I guess you could call it a platform, but certainly not the platform of a serious national party.
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