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The Pitfalls of Internet Love
By Sally Bishai (04/14/06)
Don't you just love that feeling when you happen to stumble across a post or profile that just makes you smile, as though you knew the person? Or when you see a photo that seems too good to be true? Well, keep your shirt on, because they just might be.
There are a number of problems associated with internet relationships, both in misrepresentation of one or both parties, AND in the very fact that the person is actually shopping online. Let’s explore these reasons--and others.
Seeing only one side of them.
They may or may not be doing this on purpose, but the net effect is the same. (You should be as happy as a lark that I didn’t make a pun about “net.” Internet/net--get it? Sigh.)
You only see what they want to show you.
In this case, it WOULD be on purpose. Their showing you one side of themselves, I mean. They might have a wicked temper, or a few spare tires. Or a criminal record...
You might fall in love too fast.
Not too hard to imagine, is it? After all, as we’ve just discussed, you might be seeing a very adulterated version of them. Furthermore, a smiley or e-card might mean more to you than it does to them--never assume that you share the same amount of experience online. They could be a newbie or a veritable online pimp.
Not seeing them in action.
That is, in real life. With other people, with you; it’s all the same. They might be really sweet to you but abusive to waitresses. Or the reverse--you might (in real life, anyway) bring out the worst in one another. But you’ll never know it if you’re not spending real-life time with them.
Growing to rely on them and not realising that they have their own lives.
Don’t laugh, some people literally might grow dependent on an online friend or significant other—and then get very cross with said person when he or she can’t show up to chat one night.
Not having an IRL (in real life) reference to them.
This one should be obvious—apart from body fat or horrible choices of perfume that don’t show up in photos, you don’t know if they crack their knuckles or chomp their gum as though it’s cud and they’re cattle. And webcams only show so much!
Not seeing their bad points--
After all, who would deliberately show a flaw when they don’t have to? Furthermore, you may be so happy to have “found someone” that you literally overlook them. Awww, he’s a bit of a jerk on the phone? Who cares, when you have a voice like he does!
The fact that they spend enough time online TO fall in love.
Or “fall in love,” as the case may be. This bespeaks a probable lack of social life, but worse, a predisposition for falling into relationships. It might be cool at the beginning, but what happens when he or she’s got too much time on her hands one day?
Chemistry counts for something, you know.
Meaning, your alleged soulmate may not have the chemistry in him or her to make you guys a perfect match. Some people have a lot in common—but just don’t CLICK. Others click wonderfully and have nothing in common at all. I’m not saying chemistry counts for EVERYthing, just that it’s important.
The only time the internet isn’t bad for finding a date--or mate--is...
1- If the person isn’t a social butterfly- after all, it’s more likely to be the real McCoy if it’s not an everyday occurrence.
2- If you’ve met them in real life first and then gotten to know each other online.
3- If you’re part of a demographic (like Copts or Atari-players) that you HAVE to marry into, but don’t live near. But even then, it’s a bit of a stretch, in my opinion.
At any rate, lots of things to think about, but when you come right down to it, feelings will win out over logic! (Well, let’s hope they won’t, but...)
(Article excerpted from Sally Bishai’s 2004 book “Date Like an Egyptian: The Egyptian American’s Guide to Finding a Mate.. or Date..”)
(Printer friendly version) Email: Sally Bishai
Sally Bishai is a writer and journalist who founded X Culture Magazine in January, 2004, and Photo X Quarterly in January 2005. She is also president of the Copt X Fellowship, a non-partisan group dedicated to promoting love, harmony, and respect among Egyptians (and friends). Sally is Egyptian American (or, more specifically, Coptic) and loves to tell people what that means!
Her previous titles include "Mid-East Meets West: On Being and Becoming a Modern Arab American," and "Date like An Egyptian: The Egyptian's Guide to Finding a Mate...Or Date."
Sally is the host of "Sally Bishai's 30 Minutes With," a webshow that largely focuses on Coptic, civil, and human rights issues, as well as topics dealing with the Middle East.
Her documentaries include "Back To Square One? Fifty Years After Emmett Till," "Strange Behaviour: How Westerners Feel About Gender Roles in the Middle East," and the soon-to-be-released "Children of Kemet: The Copts, Culture, and Democracy of Egypt."
Sally's blog, "The AntiSocialite," holds information about current projects, as well as impassioned articles about politics, current headlines, the trouble with society, and many other things that will probably end up getting her killed. (Check it out at http://sallybishai.blogspot.com )
Sally's Bachelor's of Science was in psychology, but her Master's and the Ph.D. she's currently working on are in speech and intercultural communication. She teaches various classes at the university level, and finds time to lecture (off-campus) about her books, her culture, and other controversial topics.
Sally has worked in radio (international and "domestic"), fashion photography, and film, most recently working as a documentary filmmaker (as mentioned above). Her current project deals with the persecution of Egypt's Copts, which, if you'll remember, she happens to be.
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Site: http://sallybishai.blogspot.com/
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United Progressive Socialist States of America
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