Snappy Answers to Stupid Liberal Soundbytes
By Tom Adkins (03/01/03)
Tired of those Stupid Liberal Soundbytes about the impending war against Iraq? Here are some handy snappy answers! Use them often!
The United States is taking unilateral action against Iraq!
So far, it's a 90-member worldwide "unilateral" coalition.
We are in a rush to war.
An 11-year rush?
Tough inspections can disarm Saddam Hussein without invading Iraq.
11 years of inspections have done wonders so far.
We should let the inspectors finish their job.
We did. They didn't. We will.
Why fight? The Iraqi military is weaker than in 1991.
But their biological weapons and chemical weapons are much more dangerous.
There's no proof of weapons.
We know they have 'em, we know they hide 'em, and we have tape recordings and photographs. What more is needed? An Iraqi rocket in Martin Sheen's shorts?
If we invade, Saddam Hussein might use those weapons of mass destruction against us.
I thought you said Iraq didn't have them?
But terrorists might attack if we invade Iraq.
Oh…so if we don't attack Iraq, terrorists will never strike again?
We shouldn't go to war without a UN resolution.
ANOTHER resolution? What about the last 16 resolutions? Shall we use them as wallpaper? Or shall we use the same resolutions Bill Clinton used in Bosnia?
We don't have a real declaration for war.
It's called "Joint Congressional Resolution #114."
We are giving 20 billion to Turkey. We could use that money at home.
OK, we'll use that money to strengthen our Iraqi border with Wyoming.
If North Korea has nuclear weapons, why aren't we invading them first?
Uh…hello…isn't that the point?
European leaders are against the war.
The Reichstag wasn't attacked. The Grande Place wasn't attacked. The Kremlin wasn't attacked. And the Jerry Lewis Lifetime Achievement Museum wasn't attacked. America was attacked. And besides, except for the tantrums of France, Belgium and Germany, only three European nations aren't willing to defend freedom. The entire rest of Europe is with America.
The French don't support the war.
Oh…did they surrender already?
Germany objects to this war.
Germany objected to Reagan's "attitude" towards the Soviet Union. Of course, they objected to our presence in 1943 as well.
Belgians are against the war.
I can live without Waffles and ice cream.
USSR doesn't support the war.
They are still angry over Reagan's brilliant Cold War victory.
Polls show Europeans are against this war.
Polls show Europeans believe their freedom was achieved by endlessly debating in marvelous dining halls, conveniently forgetting their right to be pompous blowhards was granted with American blood, not fabulous wine and brie…
We should build a coalition with our friends.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
What happens if we can't build a United Nations coalition?
Who cares?
But the UN is the world's most respected governing body.
Not as respected as the US military.
America has always waited until enemies attacked.
Now that oceans can't hold back enemies, pre-emptive war is forever a necessity.
War will cost billions!
So…how much is YOUR city worth?
President Bush says he's willing to violating the 1976 executive order forbidding assassinations of foreign leaders.
As soon as the ink is dry on rescinding that idiotic order, will someone please pull the trigger? The line forms to the right…
Many Senators don't support Bush
Are you speaking of the Senators from Bordeaux?
Tom Daschle says George Bush has a "credibility gap"
When was the last time we came to Tom Daschle for the truth???
These problems didn't happen under Clinton.
Actually, they happened. But Clinton ignored them. Now, Bush will clean up his mess.
But Clinton didn't start a war.
Unless his girlfriend was testifying before congress…
Bush 1st should have taken out Hussein in '91.
That 1991 UN resolution forbade a march on Baghdad. Remember?
Millions of peace activists are demanding we stop the war.
Millions of Iraqi's are begging for us to start the war.
Thousands of innocents will be killed or injured.
That's a lot less than Hussein is killing right now. (Of course, there's only one man that needs to be killed…)
Young Americans will die in battle.
Would you prefer they die in skyscrapers?
Protesters have genuine objections to war
Just like they did in Somalia? Bosnia?
People are coming from all over the world to act as "human shields".
Quick, hurry, before the bombs start dropping…
This is about American Imperialism.
So which country do we own? What nation sends us their tax dollars? If America was imperialist, we'd already own the entire world. Who could stand in our way?
This is Blood for Oil
The only blood is the Iraqi people tortured, starved and killed while Hussein builds massive palaces to hide nuclear weapons…all financed with Iraqi oil.
This is a racist war.
America happily endorses a multi-cultural attitude towards anyone who dares to take away our freedom. Regardless of race, color or creed, we hunt them down and kill them.
A U.S.-led invasion of Iraq is a great recruiting tool for terrorists.
Have fun recruiting people into oppressive misery as they enjoy their first taste of freedom.
An attack on Iraq could seriously undermine and destabilize Arab nations.
Destabilize the region? The sooner we topple these oppressive 14th century terrorist regimes the better.
Are we prepared for a multi-billion dollar occupation?
Were we prepared to liberate Europe and Japan in 1945? South Korea in 1953? Grenada? El Salvador? Kuwait? The Eastern Bloc? Afghanistan? Nations always love Americans when we rescue them from tyranny. The price of freedom is never free.
Polls show Americans are more concerned about the threat from al Qaeda than from Iraq.
It's not a war against Al Qaeda. It's not a war against Iraq. It's a war against terrorism. Anywhere we find it. One nation at a time.
American opinion is against the war.
No, it's not. A majority of Americans want to fight now, not later.
According to a recent poll…
You know what? Screw those polls. We're in a war against terrorism. If you don't want to fight the bastards, get the hell out of the way. Go visit Paris. Or Antwerp. Or Berlin. Or Moscow. And stay there. Forever. But this time, don't call us when the heathens are at the gates.
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