Zarkawi’s life and death: a meaningless tale told by an idiot
By Miguel Guanipa (06/22/06)
When I first saw the clip of Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi fumbling with a machine gun and soliciting help from an extra to unjam the gun I thought it had to be one of the funnies videos I had seen in a long time. My first thought was that if people waited long enough, it would not take long before the liberal media pundits started castigating the U.S. armed forces for poking fun at the colorful terrorist, and lamenting that we have come to such a state where we feel we can make fun of the hapless jihadist's blunders. After all, it may have hurt his feelings; and we all know what happens when a terrorist's feelings get hurt.
But it wasn’t long before U.S. armed forces gathered sufficient intelligence that yielded enough tips to catch up with him and as someone aptly put it, punch his ticket.
In a form of poetic justice, Zarkawi’s death represents one of those unparalleled ironies in history: the most prominent warlord of the Islamic Jihad against what he claims is a Judeo Christian based imperialism unleashed on Islam by the West, confronting a death that would only serve as a confirmation of one of the founder of Christianity’s oft-quoted and profusely misapplied dictums: Those who live by the sword shall die by the sword.
Yet even as he lay dying, this publicity hungry assassin still felt compelled to offer what are said to have been his last words by those who found him in the wreckage left by the precision bombs used to remove him from civilized society.
Since I am of the opinion that a terrorist as savvy as Zarkawi would not have offered any last words unless he intended those words to have some significance for those who would follow in his footsteps, I set out to do a thorough investigation on what those last words might have been.
To date I have received several unofficial accounts of what those words were by some highly reputable sources.
Because I deem it my patriotic duty to share with you what has been reported to be those ominous last words which the infamous Abu Musab Zarkawi uttered before he was dispatched into his eternal and hopefully uncomfortably warm version of paradise, below is a list of the former, which are purported to have a possible hidden meaning heralding a renewed call to arms to his dwindling coterie of head chopping minions.
1. That’s hot
2. I hope one of the 72 looks like the chubby Dixie Chick
3. Vote Kerry in ‘08
4. All I did was flush the downstairs toilet
5. My Ipod !! Where’s my Ipod !?
6. That Ann Coulter is a meanie
7. I hope they don’t find the Michael Moore tattoo on my left upper thigh
8. Rosebud
9. Does this mean negotiations are over?
10. 99 bottles of beer on the wall…
11. Oh, this is the biggest one I ever had. You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey.
12. Could you Tivo 60 minutes for me?
13. The headless GI Joe in my desk; could you deliver that to my nephew? It’s his birthday
14. How’s Dan Rather these days?
15. Don’t I get one phone call?
16. Call Osama and cancel my 9 o’clock will you?
17. I guess I won’t have to pay Habib those 50 bucks I owe him. Yes!!
18. That Jack Black is one funny guy
19. I should’ve stayed at Ahmed’s flat
20. The WMD’s? They’re hidden in S…..
There’s no reason to believe that any of the above may or may not have been Zarkawi’s last words. For all I know he may just have uttered the obligatory “Praise Allah” and breathed his last. But what he may of may not have said is infinitely less important than the fact that he finally met his end in a way befitting the cold blooded murderer he was.
In the words of the wife of one of his victims: “An evil man is dead,…what more can you say?”
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