Hitler's Thank You Dinner
By Joel Turtel (12/18/06)
"Comrades, fellow-Germans, fellow members of our glorious SS, we are here today to honor, yes, I say honor these former representatives of the Weimar Republic, the government who our great leader, Adolf Hitler, just defeated in the 1933 elections. Seated besides us on this dais are the former party leaders of the now-defunct Reichstadt German assembly of the Weimar Republic," said Herman Grundig, head of Hitler's newly formed Internal Security office for the Third Reich.
"On this glorious December evening, in the year 1933," he continued, "I, Herman Grundig, wish to thank these men seated besides me. Helmut Bunder and Franz Koenig helped lead the Weimar assembly's efforts in 1925 to pass the German National Gun Registration Act, then helped to pass the National Security Act of 1929. The 1929 Act required all Germans, and especially Jews, to turn in all guns or rifles they owned to the authorities. Through their efforts in the Weimar Assembly, these men elped remove all guns owned by German citizens and Jews, thereby helping us make a more secure Germany, a more peaceful Germany. They made it possible for German police and security forces to enforce the just laws of the nation without fear of attack by citizens or extremist groups who opposed these laws."
"These men also helped influence the legislative assemblies in Austria, Poland, Hungary, Denmark, France, Italy, Russia, and Czechoslovakia to also pass gun registration and confiscation laws. As a result, all of Europe is now disarmed . . . I mean, a safer place to live for all its citizens."
"We particularly wish to thank our Weimar comrades for disarming the Jews, for we have special plans for the Jews. Perhaps many in this audience do not know the evil history of the Jews. For a thousand years, before the Romans destroyed their temple in Jerusalem, the Jews were a fierce, stubborn tribe who fought subjugation by the Persians, Assyrians, Babylonians, then finally the Romans. They would let no nation control them. They were great tax rebels and fighters, always refusing to give up teir arms to their overlord governments of the time."
"Only in Europe, where Jews have been dispersed for over fifteen hundred years, did they no longer put up armed resistance to lawful governments. Being a hated minority, they were subjected to the just purges of practically every European government for all those years. Here in Germany, we have been leaders in these purges. But now our great leader, Adolf Hitler, will finally decide the Jewish problem for Europe, once and for all."
"And we have these courageous Weimar Assembly leaders to thank for this. For now, all Jews are disarmed, even in the Warsaw ghetto, a hotbed of Jewish plots. They will have no means to resist our just laws against them. Also, all citizens in France, Austria, Denmark, Holland, Poland, Italy, Russia, and Czechoslovakia are now disarmed by their own governments. As a result, we will now convince these countries to agree to German demands for repatriation of lands and money taken from us by the World War I armistice agreement they forced on us. If they do not agree, we will convince them with our just might. Because they are disarmed, we will have little resistance."
"We only have to worry about three rogue nations who will resist the German people's will," continued Herman Grundig. AWe all know these outlaw nations. First is Britain, a stubborn people who fiercely defend their peculiar thousand-year tradition of liberty that protects their citizen's so-called "individual rights" against so-called Agovernment tyranny. "They will oppose us to the end."
"Then there is America, the bastard offshoot of Britain, with the same stubborn anti-government tradition as the British, but even worse. They actually allow their citizens to own guns. Can you imagine that? That so-called "right" is even written into the Second Amendment of their despicable Bill of Rights. We understand that their courts and legislators are chipping away at this "right to bear arms," as the America fools call it, but it will take another sixty years before their legislators finally confiscate all arms in America. So right now, America will be our most dangerous enemy."
"Finally, right on our door-step, is Switzerland. This renegade Republic has had so-called representative democracy for over 600 years. They are a fierce people who cherish their so-called liberty, and have refused all our efforts to convince them to pass gun registration and confiscation laws. Their leader even had the nerve to tell me that every citizen in Switzerland not only has the right to own guns, but that the Swiss government actually require every citizen to have a rifle in his home, and to practice using it. As a result, he told me that all their citizens are deadly marksmen. They claim that this law has kept the Swiss free from invasion by other countries for over 600 years."
"Well, we will respect Switzerland's armed citizens . . . I mean, neutrality. We will not force our views on them if they are so stupid that they cannot see that it is Germany's destiny to rule Europe. Our generals have told me that we would have to fight every man, woman, and child in every house in every hamlet, valley, and mountain top in Switzerland if we ever invaded . . . I mean, sent our troops justly into Switzerland. Our generals have therefore wisely decided to respect Switzerland's neutrality, as a gesture of generosity by the German people."
"As for the rest of Europe, and especially the Jews," Herr Grundig said, rubbing his hands together, "we will give them the great benefit of German rule for the next thousand years. And we have the great former representatives of the Weimar Republic sitting here to thank for this. Let us all raise our glasses and give a toast to these men, my SS comrades."
And they all rose and toasted Helmut Bunder and Franz Koenig, former Assembly leaders of the "democratic" Weimar Republic, who had helped disarm the Jews and the citizens of Europe, making way for the glorious thousand-year Reich.
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