Saddam After Iraq
By Irwin N. Graulich (02/26/03)
"Iraq after Saddam" has been a dominant issue in the media. However, assuming he survives the pending war, how will Hussein occupy his days and new life? With an impressive resume including running a country for almost 25 years, a multi-billion dollar budget and tens of thousands of employees, Saddam's experience offers many unique opportunities. Here are several employment situations for which he is most certainly well qualified:
1) A Professorship at Harvard in The John F. Kennedy School of Government--Leftist professors at elite universities and totalitarian dictators share a great deal in common. For one thing, they are constantly being "praised" for what they say, no matter how ridiculous. Yet, their ideas are never challenged by anyone close by. And of course, they all hate Israel.
2) Work with Oliver Stone on a motion picture documentary about the Middle East--Sharing co-producer, co-director and screenplay credits, these two writer/artists will collaborate to accurately portray the current Middle East situation. Their historically factual story line begins in 1945, when a large group of Jews disseminated propaganda about a Holocaust in Eastern Europe, while destroying the beautiful cities of Tel Aviv, Haifa and Netanya where the Arab population had lived for over 2,000 years.
3) Head the ACLU--As a renowned world figure, respected throughout the Arab and Muslim street, Saddam would be an excellent fundraiser and dinner chairman for all ACLU events. Should anyone decide to prosecute him for war crimes, he will have co-member Alan Dershowitz close at hand, who has already expressed the view that "everyone" deserves a fair trial including Adolf Hitler.
4) CEO of a major chemical company--With Saddam's vast expertise in the manufacture and handling of dangerous chemicals, he can carefully institute new safety procedures throughout the company and initiate a secret r&d program without worrying about patent infringement or scientists speaking to competitors.
5) New York City taxi driver--This has been a favorite choice for many Middle Eastern immigrants, since English language skills are not critical. All one needs to remember is that the street numbers get higher as one goes north, and the avenues get higher as one drives west. Saddam already has one of those small perfumed jars with an Iraqi flag on his desk, which can easily be affixed to the taxi dashboard. In addition, he has experience being "hailed" by the man in the street.
6) A congressional intern for David Bonior--Since Bonior lost the employment of the son of recently jailed University of South Florida professor/terrorist sponsor, Sami Al-Arian, there is an opening for a new aide. Bonior can call upon Mr. Hussein's vast expertise and networking to make discounted travel arrangements for his next trip to Baghdad.
7) An Op-Ed writer for The New York Times--With Saddam's similar strong opinions against America and Israel, and his close philosophical alliances with France and Germany, he would quickly become chief editorial writer. Early bets are that The New York Times will endorse Ramsey Clark against Bush in '04.
8) President of Amnesty International--With a vast knowledge of human rights abuses, Mr. Hussein can continue the organization's concern for Israeli abuses toward the Palestinians and the "occupation," while ignoring the genocide of one million blacks by Muslims in Sudan. After all, only white Europeans can be human rights abusers. There is already some talk of re-opening the "Massacre in Jenin" file.
9) A consulting business with Jimmy Carter--Sharing many common values and ideas together, President Carter and President Hussein will quickly become a highly sought after team. They both fought Iran and lost, with hostages taken. They both have a soft spot for dictators like Fidel. They both are against a war with Iraq to destroy WMD's. They both have a great deal of experience in construction; Saddam with palaces and Carter with low income housing. They both criticize and hate George W. Bush.
10) Join forces with Terry McAuliffe on election strategies--Receiving 100% of the Iraqi vote in the latest elections is proof that a Democratic turnaround may indeed be possible.
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