A Politically Correct Declaration Of Independence
By Doug Hagin (08/26/03)
For those of us who love history it is always fun to imagine the Founding Fathers alive today. To be able to see them, hear them speak, get their take on current events would surely be a blessing to us all.
It would be especially inspiring to watch as they drafted the documents which made this nation what it is, or at least what it was supposed to be. Take the Declaration of Independence for example. What a wonderful document Thomas Jefferson gave to all Americans past and present when he penned this masterpiece.
Imagine being able to see Jefferson write this today. It would be, possibly, the most moving and educational opportunity any of us have ever had. Until the politically correct found out about it that is.
Then Jefferson would have to write, re-write, edit, erase, and liquid paper his work until they had satisfied their twisted ideals of fairness, inclusion and sensitivity. Fact is if Jefferson were here today, writing the Declaration of independence, it would likely lead to lawsuits, accusations of sexism, racism, and otherisms we have yet to discover.
Let us look at the Declaration and examine just how it would fare today in our sanitized, politically correct, please do not dare say anything which can possibly ever be construed in any way to even come close to offending anyone world.
“ We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men.....” Hold it! Men? You can not say men this is obviously sexist and exclusive. Have to change that line immediately. How about instead of men we say all men, women, children, blondes, red heads, brunettes, African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, left-handed persons of color, right-handed persons of color, and so on and so on until we include every possible group of people imaginable.
OK now back to the Declaration. “... are created equal....” CUT! Created? Certainly can never ever say created because that implies there is a creator and that is just another word for God and Jefferson better stop pushing his Christianity down our throats. So instead of are created equal let us just say are equal. OK better, now back to re-writing the Declaration. “.... are equal, that they are endowed by their Creator ...” Hold it! Didn’t we just cover this? Creator is equal to God, and if Jefferson continues to push his intolerant religion then the ACLU will sue him and save us all. Let us say instead “are endowed by their own personal creator, or no creator at all if they are atheist or agnostic.” Better!
Resuming now, “with certain unalienable rights” Stop! Inalienable sounds way too much like alien, as in illegal aliens, and we sure do not wish to appear racist in any way so scratch unalienable. OK back to work. “that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” Whoa! We have to scratch this whole Life business. Sure to offend abortion proponents with that word. Further the pursuit of Happiness has to change too. Some Americans have been chased by the police so pursuit has to go, which leaves us with just Liberty and Happiness.
Of course Happiness is not a fundamental right and leaving out pursuit will alter the entire meaning but we can not risk offending anyone so there. In fact Mr. Jefferson, this whole Declaration thing is full of offensive terms, God is mentioned repeatedly and we surely can not have Him being mentioned. Also the whole idea of independence is really not politically correct either.
Maybe we should just scrap this whole idea, at least until we can make it more inclusive. And Thomas, we think you should attend some serious sensitivity training and soon. You are such a typical White Male!
Yes this might seem a bit far-fetched I know. But given the climate of today it might actually happen this way. You see the entire Constitution grants many rights, the right not to be offended is not among them, but Liberals do not understand this. So we must endure the inanity which is political correctness. Of course millions are offended by the whole process of political correctness but their feelings are not of importance today.
So if we could welcome our Founders into our world what would they say and think of us? Probably shake their heads and wonder why they bothered with the whole revolution. They risked everything to create a nation based on liberty and freedom for all. And we have allowed a few whiny people who were apparently born offended to drag us into the morass which is political correctness.
That the Declaration of Independence could never be written today should stand as a sobering reminder of just how far we have slipped. The question is how much farther are we willing to slide?
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