Tips on a "Green"” DNC by a "Red Stater"
By Thomas Lindaman (08/29/08)
This year’s Democratic National Convention was supposed to be the most eco-friendly in modern history. Yes, everything from the food choices to the recycling of the platform was designed to maximize how “green” the Democratic Party was. Yet, as I’ve been watching it, I don’t see how it’s supposed to be a “green” convention with all the lights, amplification equipment, video monitors, and electric musical instruments. Unless there’s a really big hamster running on a really big wheel generating all the convention’s electricity, I don’t think we can call the 2008 Democratic National Convention “green.”
However, I’m here to help. Yeah, I know it sounds weird that someone from a “red” state could offer opinions on how to be green, but when you consider the Democrats’ expert on environmental issues is a guy who nearly flunked out of divinity school, it may not be as far-fetched as you might imagine.
From appearances alone, I don’t see how the Democrats can make the claim their convention was green. It’s like taking the engine out of a Yugo, pushing it down a hill, and calling it a hybrid. (Then again, the Yugo would go faster than a real hybrid in that situation…) To help Democrats in future eco-friendly convention endeavors, I’ve put together a list of ways they can make the DNC even more “green” than it already is.
1) Cut the convention in half. Seriously, you guys need to learn time management skills because it doesn’t take four flipping days to say “Barack Obama is our candidate.” That’s been pretty much a fait accompli for you guys since, oh, the Iowa caucuses. Have the delegates show up, take the vote, maybe feed them and put them up for a night or two, and then send ‘em home. The downside to this is that I’m sure the media would miss the scintillating parliamentary procedure…oh, wait, they already do. Nevermind. Cutting the convention from four to two days helps by reducing the sheer number of people who have to be at the convention, thus cutting down on emissions from cars and planes. Oh, and don’t forget limousines! Plus, fewer people in a shorter span of time would cut down on another form of pollution: noise pollution. We all gotta do our part, right?
2) Keep it simple. Yes, I know the Pepsi Center has all sorts of cool things you can use, like the video monitors on the stage, but does that mean you have to use them? Imagine the power that has to be generated to see Democratic Congressman Ned Dinklestein from Rhode Island on the big screen and to have his name show up on the big screen in the middle. And what’s with the electronic versions of the American flag? I know you guys may be running short on flags, what with your ideological brethren on the left burning them all, but surely someone can smuggle in a real flag. Simplicity can save electricity, which in turn curtails the necessary energy use to conduct business.
3) Do everything on site. This year, Barack Obama is breaking with tradition and giving his acceptance speech from Invesco Field (not to be confused with In-Rezko’s back pocket). That means much of the same stuff that’s going on in the Pepsi Center will be duplicated at Invesco Field, meaning twice the power will be needed to conduct business. Folks, if you can’t get the man anointed…I mean elected as your candidate in one building, you’re not being that green. Get him on site to give his speech. After all, the media will be there to cover it, so it will still get out to the people.
4) Recycle as much as you can. It bears repeating, even though you guys seem to be doing it already. From what I’ve seen of the DNC this year, it looks like you’re reusing the 2004 DNC. In fact, that may be a better way to do these things in the future for you guys! With digital technology you can put different people on the stage, and since the rhetoric is pretty much the same, no one will be the wiser!
5) Cut down on the video montages. Seriously, we don’t need to see a video of family and friends saying how wonderful Barack Obama is and what good he will be for the country if we elect him. We get it. You like him. We don’t need to see you saying that you like him. Save the energy and send a postcard or something!
See, folks, I’m not someone who just mocks the Democrats as they try to pull off a “green” convention. I’m someone who comes up with solutions while mocking Democrats as they try to pull off a “green convention.”
(Printer friendly version) Email: Thomas Lindaman
