Master, Slave, And Paper Feathers: The Latest Victims Of The PC Police
By John David Powell (11/28/03)
Now that the Christmas Season is upon us, it seems best to take note of the growing list of offenses deemed punishable by the self-proclaimed protectors of political correctness. Yes, Virginia, a time existed when Christmas was known as Christmas, not simply the Happy Holidays. It was not that Christian folks were callous toward their Jewish, Islamic, or pagan neighbors; Dec. 25 was the date agreed upon centuries ago as the day to celebrate the birth of Christ.
This is not the beginning of a tortured dissertation on the political correctness of Christmas. It is a poor attempt, instead, to introduce the latest victims of the PC vigilantes.
Pity the poor 1st graders of Madison School in Skokie, Ill., who were forbidden to don paper Pilgrim and Indian outfits as part of their Thanksgiving program, because Native American activists complained the costumes were culturally insensitive and promoted Hollywood-style stereotyping.
“At this age level, you let them dress up in feathers and do the little Indian thing, they'll grow up with that image in their head,” explained Leonard Malatare of the American
Indian Center (www.aic-chicago.org) in an interview with the Chicago Tribune.
Memo to Leonard: No. The kids will grow up thinking Indians are whiners and complainers who ruined their school play.
The Reuters news wire moved a story from Los Angeles about L.A. County officials asking computer makers, suppliers, and contractors to stop using the terms “master” and “slave” when referring to computer equipment. The request is the result of a discrimination complaint filed by an unidentified employee who noticed such labels on a videotape machine. Here is how it works: You put the original or field tape in the master machine on the left and make your edits on the tape in the slave machine on the right.
This assumes the machines are set up side by side. A top-and-bottom setup is a whole nuther column.
Master/slave also refers to primary/secondary hard-disk drives in the computer industry. And a server is not the person who forgets your water, yet expects a tip.
The L.A. County memo, which supplied no substitute monikers, pointed out that cultural diversity and sensitivity make the terms master and slave unacceptable. I dare you to use that argument in Mistress Noir’s Palace of Pain.
I predict the electrical supply industry will be the next victim of the PC vigilantes. Think about it: male and female cables, male and female plugs and sockets. Do these discriminatory terms promote heterosexuality over homosexuality? Then there’s that third prong thing that shows up sometimes. I don’t even want to go there.
A few years ago the managers of Stockport College of Further and Higher Education (www.stockport.com) in Great Britain banned the use of more than 40 “offensive” words and phrases. “Normal couple” and “slaving over a hot stove,” were among the offending examples.
Stockport’s brain trust claimed “taking the mickey,” “lady,” and “history” could offend homosexuals, slaves, the Irish, women, and ethnic minorities. “Mad,” “manic,” and “crazy” were also right out, because they risk upsetting individuals who are mad, manic, and crazy.
Over the years, I have compiled a compendium of PC phrases guaranteed not only to please a thin-skinned poverty pimp, but also to make the user look goofy when engaged in conversation with an educated individual. I derived the PC guidebook from phrases gleaned from unsolicited emails, published remarks, unwanted suggestions, and fitful dreams.
For example, a thief is an asset liberator. The kid who tagged your house is not a gang member, but a member of a colorful neighborhood youth group. Your niece is not promiscuous; she is socially active. Your boss is not ignorant; she is professionally deficient. Uncle Goober is not a redneck racist; he is a culturally focused, insensitive racial oppressor.
A man is a penile person. An old person is chronologically advanced. A dirty old man is a sexually focused, chronologically advanced penile person.
A pervert is sexually dysfunctional.
One does not fail; one achieves a deficiency. One is not wrong, only differently logical.
Something is not the worst, just the least best.
One is economically unprepared, not poor. One is not rich, just an active oppressor of the economically unprepared.
One is not fired; one is relieved of employment responsibilities. One is not laid off; one experiences employment realignment. One is not unemployed; one is involuntarily leisured.
A Christian is an insensitive religious oppressor, while an atheist is a cosmically enlightened person, and an agnostic is deity indifferent.
A heterosexual is opposite-gender oriented. A homosexual is gender focused. A bisexual is sexually non-preferential.
The sad thing is that there are more where these came from, and the list gets longer every day.
Mundus vult decipi
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