Mr. Answer Guy's Guide To Cyber Deception
By John David Powell (02/26/03)
How many times have you opened your email and found an urgent message imploring you to pass along some kind of dire warning to everyone you have known since birth?
How many times today?
And, how many times have you later learned that you and the 12 gazillion people on your email list were mindless dupes, hoodwinked into believing another of the Internet's diabolical hoaxes?
Well, that's where Mr. Answer Guy can help. I, too, receive many hoaxes, urban legends, scams, chain letters, and downright obvious lies. When I do, I send the following reply:
Dear Mom: Thanks for the warning. Don't forget to take your pills. Love, Mr. Answer Guy.
I recently received the "Email Tax" hoax, warning me Congress is ready to put a nickel tax on every email message.
Not! In fact, there's a similar one making the rounds in Canada. Of course, such a tax would have one benefit. It would cut down on the number of email hoaxes.
I also was bombarded with a fake Paul Harvey "Rest of the Story" story claiming Mel Gibson was beaten to a bloody, unrecognizable pulp in his youth, which was the inspiration for his film "Man Without A Face."
Not! Mel was beaten up, but it happened the night before he auditioned for a big movie part. He got the part, and now you know the rest of the story.
Some of my favorites are the warnings about infected needles, parking lot killers, and kidney robbers. They always start off by telling you the hoax is not a hoax (written in CAPITAL LETTERS and followed by a bunch of exclamation points!!!!!!), then follow up with statements from police officers or some other public figure before imploring you to send the message to everyone you know or hope to know.
There was one going around a few years ago that warned people not to flash their headlights at oncoming cars running without headlights. Good Samaritans who did so were chased down and shot by young thugs as part of gang initiations, according to the hoaxer. This one even fooled the police department of a Texas university, which forwarded the warning to all the university's employees via the campus email system. I called the chief's office to check it out, but all I got on the line was a sheepish "Baaaa, baaaa."
Take it from Mr. Answer Guy: Any email warning you get is a hoax, unless it's not a hoax. And how will you know it's not a hoax? Because any warning requiring your attention would never ever come to you by email alone. If the warning were a big concern, I would like to think it also would be in the print and broadcast media -- places where news and information are disseminated broadly and quickly, as was the case with January's SQL Slammer worm.
Of course, sometimes warnings come from unimpeachable sources, such as the following passed along to you from Mr. Answer Guy, a person whose name is synonymous around the world with Truth, Justice, and the American Way. Yeah, Superman had it first, but he's letting me borrow it, OK?
This is not a hoax. My neighbor's husband is the director of the local office of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, or FEMA. These are the people responsible for notifying the public in the event of disasters or other emergencies. When a hurricane is heading toward a city, FEMA alerts the citizens and coordinates emergency personnel.
I was watching television a few moments ago when my neighbor came to the door and told me that her husband had just been called to the office to active the Emergency Broadcast System. This is what you hear from time to time on the radio and television. The one that says this station is conducting a test of the Emergency Broadcast System; if this were an actual emergency, you would have been notified where to tune for further information.
Well, she says the reason he went to the office to activate the EBS system is because he got a call from Washington D.C. This is the nation's capital, where the headquarters of FEMA and other federal agencies are located. The President lives in Washington D.C., and he is the only one who can authorize the activation of a national emergency alert. SO THAT'S WHY THIS IS NOT A HOAX!!!!!
Please send this to everyone you know. Chinese nuclear missiles were spotted heading toward the California coast about 10 minutes ago. IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW SO THEY CAN TAKE COVER AND SAVE THEMSELVES!!
Remember, THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT A HOAX!!!! My neighbor isn't the kind of person to play jokes, especially about something as serious as this.
If you do not believe me, you can call this number for verification: 1-800-NOT-HOAX.
First published at www.EtherZone.com
(Printer friendly version) Email: John David Powell
