Streisand Speaks Out Against Bush's 'Ugly War'
By Murray Soupcoff (03/29/03)
San Francisco, CA) -- In an emotional address to cheering patrons of San Francisco's popular Babs is A Babe Baths, Barbra Streisand today spoke out against President George W. Bush's "ugly war" on the vulnerable, little people of Tehran.
"People who need people do not wage an abuminable war against helpless Iraqi children, gay people and cross dressers," Ms. Streisand told an enthusiastic audience waving tiny Iraqi flags and baby pictures of Rock Hudson.
"War is ugly," Streisand reminded her now somber audience. "It's like when you happily walk down Venice Beach on a mild, sunny day in your most stylish Versace ensemble, and then it's all spoiled when some loser with a flowered Hawaiin shirt and a big pot belly hanging over his swim trunks walks by swigging a can of root beer and playing The Beach Boys on his oversized ghetto blaster. I mean, that's so ****--n rude and ugly, just like George W. Bush sending a cruise missile to blow up a hospital, day-care center or baby-food factory that just happens to have a pile of munitions and poison-gas cannisters stored in its basement."
"Take your war to Wall Street where it belongs, Mr. Bush!" she shouted. "And instead of exterminating the Iraqi people with your bombs and lasers, you f-ck-n cowboy...blow up all those g-dd-mn lying, stealing, greedy Wall Street CEO's -- especially those son-of-a-b--ch record executives who passed on my latest CD, "Babs Warbles The Songs of Janis Joplin."
"What kind of human, if he is human, would conscript innocent young American boys -- like my trusted manservant Juan, who prepares the best eggs benedict for Sunday morning brunches and works for minimum wage -- and send these young innocents off to die in the malaria-ridden deserts of some far-off wasteland somewhere, well far off?" asked America's most beloved diva as tears rolled down her cheeks. "
"Why is it always the good minority help that is lured into a senseless war that can only lead to loud explosions and disturbing film footage on Peter J's newscasts in place of the Sierra Club's inspired and peaceful campaign to save the rare and endangered Wyoming slug?
"Why must so many good people suffer so greatly, having to prepare their own Sunday brunches, and stock the towels in their beach cabanas themselves, and even gas up their own Bentleys, for the sake of some dick-waving Pentagon vendetta against a loving, beneficent Middle East leader whose only sin is to have cared too much about his oppressed people and to have fought against encroaching American globalism and to have had the misfortune of having been born an Arab with a bushy moustache, big head and skin that is darker than the cursed Bushes?"
"War is hell when there is no good minimum-wage help!" shouted the excited Diva. "It's time we marched on Washington and burned down the Bush White House and dragged those demented Republican warmongers out of their plush executive offices, which are almost as nice as mine except they'll never find as good a decorator as my Maurice, and kick the living daylights out of them until they're willing to give peace a chance!"
Ms. Streisand then departed for a guest appearance on The View, and a crowd of hysterical, towel-clad silly people was last seen scurrying down the sidewalks of DeHaro Street shouting, "Down with Dubyah, the baby killer! Down with Dubyah!"
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