Hollywood Maids & Man-Servants Against War Prot
By Murray Soupcoff (03/01/03)
Hundreds of Hollywood maids and man-servants opposed to waging war in Iraq rallied in Washington despite the frigid cold, demanding the White House back down and give U.N. weapons inspectors a chance. Domestic employees of such celebrated Tinseltown celebrities as Barbra Steisand, Martin Sheen and Susan Sarandon put down their dishrags, mops and dustbusters to travel to the nation's capital to express their opposition to war.
"I may just be a humble wetback who gets paid minimum wage to wait head and foot on that snotty Malibu princess who pays my meager weekly wages, but I know that world peace is preferrable to war," said Diego Fargeez the personal man-servant of Hollywood diva Barbra Streisand. "And besides I got a $250 bonus for coming here today, the most money her Phoniness has ever paid me in the 15 miserable years I've toiled for that dreadful woman."
Chanting maids and man-servants carrying placards reading "Al Gore Abhors War" and "Would Jesus Bomb Saddam?" began assembling early on the National Mall in Washington. Stepping out of huge stretch limousines and Lincoln Navigator SUV's, the dedicated domestic servants of prominent members of the Hollywood anti-war establishment lined up to voice their displeasure with the Bush adminstration and Bill O'Reilly.
"It's really important for us to show Europe and the rest of the world that even though we're not even paid a living wage, and we only get a day off every other week, ordinary, exploited, celebrity domestic help like us still have the courage to say 'No to war'," explained Maria Juanita Lopez, pantry maid at the luxurious Hollywood Hills mansion of Susan Sarandon. "Besides, that pompous witch would fire me if I ever revealed to her that I thought that George W. Bush seems like an okay dude and that it's time to get rid of that Saddam guy!"
Protesters said the recent deployment of U.S. troops to the Gulf, and widespread speculation that a Jan. 27 report by U.N. arms inspectors could serve as a trigger for war, had lit a fire under the domestic help of Hollywood's anti-war elite. "You'd be surprised the kind of bonuses we received for coming here," enthused Miguel Miguel, Martin Sheen's pool boy. "And staying at the Four Seasons, even if it is in the domestic quarters in the basement beside the furnace, is kind of a gas."
"Bush is counting on the fact that Hollywood's maids and man-servants have been lulled into complacency by their employers' prosperity and obscene wealth," commented Rosa Parks, Alec Baldwin's cleaning lady. "Hell, we never see any of that bread. So why should we be complacent. We need every penny we can get. And if some rich Hollywood honkies are willing to ante up with some 'cheese' for us black folks to say mean things about that nice Bush fellow, then what the heck, we're goin' to take the money and run -- to hell with George Dubyah Whitey and that Condie woman, even if they are right about the whole Iraqi thing!"
The all-day protest rally featured numerous speakers including actress Jessica Lange's chauffeur, Rob Reiner's butler, and Rosie O'Donnel's hairdresser. Police estimate a turnout of as many as 220 Hollywood maids and man-servants during the day-long protest activities
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