The Breast Of Times...The Worst Of Times
By Ron Marr (02/06/04)
The talking heads and the FCC are still outraged and offended over events which transpired at the Superbowl half-time show. They cannot believe that, during a performance by Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson, the latter gave the viewing audience a topless flash that lasted three microseconds.
How horrible. I can hear the calls going out for collective group therapy. Oh...the trauma! Oh...the indecency! Oh...the humanity!
Oh...the boredom.
That's right. Boredom. I happened to watch the Superbowl this year, even though all my teams got squashed long ago. I was also watching the half-time show, but it was so awful I missed the bare-breast finale altogether. I'm pretty sure I was in a coma.
But even if I had regained consciousness, I wouldn't have cared about Janet's display. Come on, there is much more intense innuendo and suggestion displayed on network television every night. Anybody who gets riled up over this tempest in a teapot would also blow a gasket over the emotional well being of trees. They are the people who write scripture-laced letters to the editor expounding on the heinous conditions found in American ant farms.
In short...they are bored. They simply have no life, other than one which involves a display of their ability to be angry.
On the other hand, Janet's parade of one second, partial nudity did have a purpose. She and Timberlake needed headlines to jump-start flagging careers, and American viewers went for it like a hungry largemouth after a Bass Buster Beetle Spin. The whole shebang was a thinly unveiled publicity stunt.
The head of the FCC, playing along, came out with both guns blazing. "I am outraged at what I saw during the half-time show of the Super Bowl. Like millions of Americans, my family and I gathered around the television for a celebration. Instead, that celebration was tainted by a classless, crass and deplorable stunt," said Michael Powell. "Our nation's children, parents and citizens deserve better." Powell also threw in that there would be an investigation, and it "could" result in fines of up to $27,500 "OR EVEN MILLIONS" if applied to each CBS station.
Yeah right. Just when is Hell supposed to freeze over? I'd like to watch. It would be a lot more interesting than the Super Bowl half-time show.
The FCC holds this criteria for over-air TV broadcasts. Networks are not allowed to air "obscene" material at all, and can't air "indecent" material between 6:00 a.m. and 10 p.m. The watchdogs define "obscene" as "describing sexual conduct in a patently offensive way and lacking serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value." Indecent material contains references to sex or excretions.
Gee whiz...that describes most of TV. By this definition most all of it is indecent, at least in the intellectual sense. Some is even obscene, if viewed in the context of the horrendously bad performers at this year's Super Bowl.
Really, the networks were charging $4,000,000 per 30 second spot for commercials, and the best entertainment they can give us is Kid Rock, Nelly, Janet Jackson and that other guy whose name I always mess up? You know, the one who dated Jennifer Lopez. Bo Diddly, or Bo Daddily or Puff Diddly or something like that. This isn't just because I'm a fossil, but none of these people could sing. They didn't even screech well. By and large this was a collection of has beens and never weres.
Did the real entertainers pull out at the last minute. Did the NFL put in an emergency call to import the inhabitants of the lower tier boxes on The Hollywood Squares?
I heard the NFL paid seven figures for these "entertainers." I'm assuming that means seven dollars. If they wanted to subject America to crummy music they could have picked up all sorts of bands that are on reunion tours, bands from the days of the great stadium concerts. Where was REO Speedwagon and Blue Oyster Cult? Where was White North...now they know how to run a fireworks show. Where was Head East, or Billy Idol or even Billy Thorpe with his 25 minute rendition of "Children of the Sun?"
Where was Foghat...dammit! These are questions that must be answered.
Yes, there should be an FCC investigation. And it should center around why most everything on TV is geared to the mentality of a 16 year old who just celebrated prom by downing a bottle of bum wine. In contrast to the nightly fare we are offered, Janet Jackson's flesh show comes off as almost refreshing.
Yes yes...I know...morality and ethics. Janet (gasp) showed excessive cleavage. Lets all pull our hair and gnash our teeth.
But only for a few minutes. That naked gay guy will be walking around on "Survivor" soon.
We can't miss that.
(Printer friendly version) Email: Ron Marr
