The Dean Of Dementia
By Ron Marr (01/23/04)
In many ways I thought I was watching a man go crazy before my very eyes. In all the years of following politics and watching politicians, never before have I seen such a total public meltdown as Howard Dean displayed in the aftermath of Iowa. Now I hate to say I told you so, but some time back this column predicted that Dean would publicly implode. That it happened in such a demented and frightening way, however, is almost sad.
There was Howard, standing before the crowds after his humiliating third place finish. On his face was plastered a grimace, the sort of forced smile more commonly worn by some yokel who's had one too many shots of Jack Daniels and is spoiling for a bar fight. Howard was sweating. He was shaking. And then the screaming began.
"I'll see you around the corner, around the block," said Howard, the schoolyard threat aimed at John Kerry and John Edwards, the two men who had just taken the Iowa victory that he apparently viewed as his manifest destiny. "We will not give up. We will not quit, now or ever. We have just begun to fight. We have just begun to fight."
Now, you hear a lot of politicians say stuff like that. But they normally say it calmly, business as usual. It's the type of hokey comment to which we've all become accustomed. Not Howard though. The boy was frothing, and the neurological stick of dynamite inside his skull had yet to explode. He proceeded to shake his fist and bounce around like Olga Korbut on amphetamines. His voice cracking, he shouted himself nearly hoarse as he listed off the states he would win in the future. He named Michigan, and New Hampshire and New Mexico and on and on and on.
I was too stunned at this point to really count the number, but I think Howard bellowed out the names of nearly a dozen states. The audience stood in amazement, and Iowa Senator Tom Harkin stood in the background, the look on his face seeming to say "oh man...did I really endorse this guy?" Howard blubbered and spit and spewed, in manner reminiscent of a hyperactive fourth grader who has just realized he blew his one chance to take first place at the qualifying round of the state geography bee.
And then, to top it all off, the man from the Granite State cut loose with a blood-curdling war whoop. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar."
You have to do that in a real high pitched voice to get the full effect.
So, I think it is safe to say that the Dean goose is cooked. His behavior is just too weird for voters. He may win a few primaries here and there, and because he is campaigning on the "I Hate Bush" platform, I'm not even saying he won't win the Democratic nomination. People who vote out of hatred are just as nonsensical as those who vote because a candidate has good hair. But as far as ever becoming President of the United States, Howard Dean is already a historical footnote.
Lets face it, the dude scares people. We could understand John McCain being sporadically angry and a bit odd - after all, John spent years in a Viet Cong prison camp. But Howard has no such excuse. From all appearances his greatest trauma in life was a bad day on the Vermont ski slopes.
And then there are the bizarre opinions that issue forth from that inflamed mind. Howard informed us that capturing Saddam didn't make America any safer, was proud of how he would not "prejudge" Osama bin Laden. He got into a nasty scrap with Al Sharpton over the fact that there were no minority Cabinet members during his tenure as Vermont governor. He stereotyped the South with his rebel flags and pickup trucks remark.
Foot in mouth disease is alive and well within the ranks of the Democratic Party.
For the lefites, the derailment of the Dean Express is a blessing. The two Johns, Kerry and Edwards, are now taking a high road approach to campaigning. Joe Lieberman is gratified and pleased, as it does not hurt his feelings that Al Gore made a fool of himself by backing a nutcase. Dennis Kucinich probably doesn't know about any of this yet, but as soon as he can tear himself away from a marathon viewing of Sesame Street he will undoubtedly clap his tiny little hands in fits of glee .
And George Bush? He's just sitting in his chair with a big grin, thinking about putting up some new curtains in the Oval Office.
After all, from the looks of the competition he's going to be there for four more years.
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