Total Recall...The Sequel
By Ron Marr (10/13/03)
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been elected Governor of California. He beat out such notables as child star Gary Coleman and some guy with the improbable name of Trek "Thunder" Kelly." Placing dead last was one Todd Richard Lewis.
I was curious if Lewis's credentials were any better than Arnold's, so I surfed the net and located some pertinent info. Lewis's position consisted of helping the homeless, balancing the budget and getting the younger generation involved in the political process. His motto was "we need to spend less." This really didn't sound all that different from the words of former California Governor Gray Davis, who once defined high gasoline prices with the ever so eloquent analysis that "gas prices should be lower."
However, after much research (three minutes) I'm pretty certain Lewis was less qualified than Arnold to govern California. Granted, both lacked experience in public office and both sought to accomplish great goals with no cogent plan. Lewis ran as an Independent and Terminator ran as a Republican. Party affiliation doesn't mean much in this case, since Arnold's beliefs would seem positively liberal in most sections of the country. Only in far left California could he ever earn the title of "conservative."
So, for a second, Lewis seemed to have the edge based solely on his Independent status. But, when I clicked on his campaign web link I was transported to a commercial site selling porno flicks. That lost him my support, as it's unseemly for a Governor to be hawking videos entitled "The Bum Hunter." It sets a bad precedent, as next thing you know professional wrestlers will be holding our most prestigious offices.
Woops.....
Nope...in Hollyweird it was the sequel to "Total Recall," with Arnold again snagging the lead. In the final analysis I can only say this. "The Hair Voters Have Spoken." As usual, the electorate avoided consideration of background, record or experience and went for the candidate with the most expensive tonsorial credentials. This doesn't surprise me, for it's the manner in which most of our office holders gain power. Lets face it...the vast majority of our citizens make voting decisions based upon everything but that which is truly important. They go for the tall guy, the pretty guy, the guy with the most classy shoes or the guy who tells the best joke.
In short, the American electorate almost always picks its leaders based on looks and stage presence and the ability to lie convincingly. They don't choose because of mental horsepower or personal research. They don't choose because a candidate has a proven record of keeping their word. Instead, they pull the lever for the fellow who will promise them that they will all live in paradise, tax free, without having to lift a finger or make even the slightest sacrifice.
I really am beginning to think that we need a new way of selecting those who will administer this land. I'd be overjoyed if we never saw a candidate's face or knew his name, but rather, only his positions and accomplishments next to an anonymous reference letter. It could be something like this:
Candidate A believes in gun control and abortion and has been a successful Frisbee champion.
Candidate B believes in free tofu for all and the repeal of the Volstead Act and once served time for manslaughter.
Candidate C believes in subsidized health insurance for cats and non-nuclear proliferation treaties with Iowa and has 18 wives, three of which are first cousins.
Such a method would eliminate the popularity contest aspect from our elections. We might not end up with more qualified candidates, but could we really do any worse? A Powerball Lottery wouldn't be any less effective than now, with the added plus that we could avoid a year of tasteless commercials.
I'm one of those guys who actually researches a candidate before voting for him/her. That's not a common practice in our apathetic, lazy, something-for-nothing culture. Ask most folks their voting rationale and the most common answer will be "I liked them" or "they seemed cool" or "they're good looking." No logic. No factual basis for an intelligent decision. The choice is made almost entirely on knee-jerk, emotional reaction.
California proved something in their recall election. They showed us that all one needs to take power is a big bankroll, the ability to act, and a high priced barber. They showed us that voluntary ignorance is at an all time high. They showed us, one more time, that hair voters determine our nation's fate.
That's the unkindest cut of all.
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