CBS News’ Punishment
By Monte Kuligowski (09/27/04)
In light of the pending panel investigation into the journalistic misdeeds of CBS News, certain penalties will most certainly need to be meted out. As a courtesy to the panel, I offer the following 10 suggestions for the punishment of Dan Rather and CBS News:
1. Dan Rather should be forced to present a handwritten note of apology to President Bush. If he desires to type the note, it must be done on an actual early-1970s era typewriter.
2. Dan Rather should also be forced to apologize to President Bush during the “CBS Evening News” broadcast. During the apology, he must admit that his “unimpeachable source” of the forged memos was really a partisan operative. With that being the case, he must also let go of the amusing notion that he nevertheless acted in “good faith.”
3. The entire CBS News staff associated with the bogus story should be forced to vote for Bush. At least one panel member should accompany each voter into the voting booth to ensure there are no hanging chads.
4. Each CBS News staff member associated with the story should be forced to display at least one Bush/Cheney bumper sticker on their respective cars from now until Election Day.
5. The CBS News staff, availing themselves of the archives of the MediaResearchCenter.com and RatherBiased.com, should be forced to total all of the pro-Kerry news stories they have run during the campaign and run the same number of stories from a pro-Bush angle.
6. Dan Rather should be forced to do a special “60 Minutes” interview of John O’Neill. During the program, Rather should be forced to show as much interest in O’Neill’s claims as Barnes’. Even though O’Neill doesn’t need it, Rather should be forced to repeat the same words he used to boost Ben Barnes’ credibility: “Tell me the whole story. Tell me the truth, the whole truth about what happened . . . .” (Considering that Barnes had completely changed his story, Rather should have had Barnes swear on a Bible to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.) And during O’Neill’s interview, Rather should be forced to refer to Barnes in the same manner he referenced the Swift Vets for Truth during the Barnes interview. In other words, he should refer to Barnes’ claims as negative attacks against President Bush.
7. The CBS News staff should be forced to complete 100 hours of community service, respectively, by serving at the Bush/Cheney campaign headquarters.
8. Dan Rather should be forced to undergo I.Q. testing to determine whether it’s plausible that he was “duped” by the likes of Bill Burkett and Ben Barnes.
9. Dan Rather should be forced to post the following message at his favorite blog site: “CBS News is the real rumor mill, not the internet, as I previously stated.”
10. After Rather is fired, CBS News should be forced to hire Rush Limbaugh to replace him.
If you need any more suggestions, I am at your service.
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