John Edwards: Official Translator Of John Kerry
By Monte Kuligowski (10/11/04)
John Edwards always knew he was destined for greater things. And alas, Sen. Edwards has found his niche. At first we thought his job was just to balance out Kerry’s gloomy temperament with his cheery smile. But he has found a much higher Democratic calling. Edwards is the only person in the Democrat Party who can interpret and translate “Kerrinese;” the language of John Kerry.
Mr. Edwards has the uncanny ability of reaching into the potpourri of Kerry inconsistencies, flip-flops and contradictions and pulling out a seemingly coherent and intelligible explanation of Kerry’s position on any given issue. Regardless of how many times Kerry changes his position, Edwards has the ability to present Kerry as a man of unchanging conviction and principle. Today Kerry could say that the sun orbits the earth. Next week he could say the earth orbits the sun. Would these two statements be inconsistent? Not if you understand Kerrinese. John Edwards could interpret the first statement to actually support the second, unless opinion polls indicate the opposite is true. In that case, the second statement would actually support the first.
A textbook example of Edwards’ polished ability was demonstrated at the Cheney/Edwards VP debate Tuesday evening in Cleveland, Ohio. The moderator raised the issue of Kerry’s “Global Test,” in reference to protecting the nation.
During the first presidential debate Kerry was asked: “What is your position on the whole concept of preemptive war?” The senator from Massachusetts responded that “if and when” a president acts, he must do so in a way that “passes the global test.” According to Kerry, his Global Test means you “prove to the world that you did it for legitimate reasons.” Either Kerry strayed from the script or his advisors actually thought having some ambiguous world test to justify military action would go over with the American people.
After Kerry’s Global Test idea fell upon the public’s unreceptive ear, John Edwards was given the task of translating to the American people what Sen. Kerry’s words really meant.
Now back to the vice presidential debate. Edwards was asked, “What is a global test if it’s not a global veto?” The question gave Edwards the opportunity to state a previous Kerry position: Kerry will never give anyone a veto over the security of the United States. But as articulated by Kerry, his Global Test means that as president, he would carry the burden of proving to the world the legitimacy of the proposed military action. So how would the U.S. “prove to the world” that a preemptive strike is legitimate? Sounds like a completely arbitrary test to be judged unilaterally by Kerry himself. Yes, it could mean submitting to a vote of the United Nations, which would give the world veto power; but that would be inconsistent with Kerry’s previous statement that he would never give anyone veto power over our national security. Therefore the master translator must translate.
After stating Kerry’s previous position, Edwards went on to give Kerry’s Global Test a completely different meaning: “we’re going to actually tell the American people the truth.” Additionally, “We’re also going to make sure that we tell the world the truth.” Kerry is going to tell the world the truth about why he is using military force. There you have it. According to Edwards, Kerry was really saying his Global Test is not a burden to prove anything to the world; it simply means telling the truth about the reason for the preemptive war.
Now, it’s not hard to get the bogus implication: Bush didn’t tell the truth about the Iraq War. But what does that have to do with explaining what Kerry’s Global Test really means? Answer: nothing. Edwards’ rhetoric only makes sense to liberals. The most gifted interpreter of Kerrinese translates Kerry’s conflicting statements, distilling them into one unified position for the Democratic base.
The liberal media explain the lack of consistency by repeating what is obvious to liberals: John Kerry is just so intelligent he’s naturally full of complexity and nuance.
For the majority of Americans who don’t buy into that, we sense something is truly scary about Kerry’s undefined Global Test. It reeks of socialistic globalism and the surrendering of American sovereignty.
No one knows what Kerry’s Global Test means. Because of Kerry’s history, we have strong reason to believe it’s not a pro-America doctrine. On the other hand, we know exactly what the Bush Doctrine is all about: the hunting down of those who seek to harm Americans. The president’s straightforward determination to protect the nation strikes a common note with the common American.
And the president doesn’t need someone to translate what he says into what he wants you to believe it means.
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