Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry Liberal
By Ron Marr (11/17/04)
I don't jump pews, speak in tongues or kiss rattlesnakes on the mouth. I don't chain myself to the doors of abortion clinics or write long, scripture-laced letters to the editor categorizing the Satanic nature of demon rum, demon lottery, demon Victoria's Secret or even demon new-car smell.
I think a tent revival is what you do to your tent when a blizzard blows it over at 7,000 feet. I think a collection plate is the strip of metal where the dust settles in my "Sharper Image" air purifier.
So imagine my surprise to learn -- according to the mainstream media, Hollywood elitists, Manhattan literary darlings and the entire liberal left -- that I am an "Evangelical." Indeed, since I voted for George Bush, I am regarded by the lefties and their unthinking supplicants as a cross between Cotton Mather, Jerry Falwell and Tammy Faye Bakker.
Wow. I never knew. I always figured myself a pretty normal guy, an average resident of the much-maligned and highly victorious "Red States." Prior to the 2004 election I'd regarded myself as the furthest thing from "Evangelical." I don't even partake of organized religion, for cryin' out loud. I've nothing against it, and in fact see a lot of good in it.
However, it's just not my cup of tea. I'm never been fond of folks trying to tell me how to live my life while asking for money, whether it be in church or any other venue. Moreover, I'm not big on crowded rooms, and will tolerate them only when the venue offers delta blues and scotch.
My personal reflections upon spirituality involve gliding through the river's early morning mist in a patched canoe, or being enveloped by the cry of a pack of coyotes on a high mountain ridge. They involve grinning at the happy pecking of a woodpecker on a dead oak, or seeing the look of glee in the eyes of my pups while they chase tennis balls and bark at squirrels.
But I voted for George Bush. Thus, if the liberal dogma is correct, I am a card-carrying, fire-breathing religious fanatic who attends services a minimum of 12 times per week, remains partially-clothed in the shower and refuses to watch Harry Potter movies least I be infused with the teaching of Lucifer his own bad self.
Yup. I'm an "Evangelical." At least that's what the liberals and the media would tell you.
This, of course, is total nonsense. In an attempt to put a spin on their crushing political losses, the Libs are doing what they always do. The "party of tolerance" seeks to create a non-existent enemy whom they can blame, vilify and, with the help of the media, excoriate at every possible opportunity.
The "party of inclusion" seeks to divide, as always, with fear, stereotypes and lies. Rather than face the fact that most Americans think they are utterly off-base, the Libs attribute their shellacking to a rampaging horde of religious zealots.
Rather than admit that the Democratic party is controlled by a lunatic fringe of actors, Marxists, traitors, environmental nut-jobs and all shape, size and color of deviants, bigots and vegetarian bi-polar power freaks in hemp underwear, the lib leaders curse Middle America for their own failure. Bush voters are tongue-chewing mouth-breathers, they say, residing in a hotbed of hatred, intolerance, ignorance, polyester clothing and corn.
The liberals are afraid to state what they truly believe in, for to do so would result in even less votes than they currently receive. Their methodology is to lie about their real agenda in the hopes of regaining power, at which point they will do whatever they damn well please. The problem is they have concealed and obfuscated for so long that, as a group,
they themselves are no longer sure of their goals.
They are a collection of wild-eyed splinter groups, all holding a grab-bag of dreams and wishes.
Some want a Socialist, secular-humanist state, others the repeal of the Second Amendment. Some want same sex/different species marriage, others want voting rights for trees, fish, coal and bugs. Some want cradle to grave care and complete subservience to the government nanny state, others want a culture that walks in lockstep and speaks only with intonations of political correctness.
I view the American liberals in much the same way I view the competing factions of Islamic fundamentalists. The latter hate each other to the core, and only join forces to attack the US or Israel. The former hate themselves to the core, and only join
forces to attack George Bush and conservatives.
Am I an "Evangelical?" Only to the partisans of the left. While I will admit that a small percentage of folks espouse evangelical pursuits with obnoxious gusto, they are an increasingly rare breed. I live smack in the midst of the rural Bible Belt, but rarely do I come across the frothing minions and black-frocked church ladies so often detailed by the left and their pals in the press.
If they're not here, I have to wonder, then where the hell are they?
The answer is simple. These vast numbers of rigid, Bible-wielding, totalitarian Christian fundamentalists are non-existent save in the minds of the liberal left, the network anchors and a goodly portion of newspaper editors.
Perhaps the Red State folk are being tarred with the fundamentalist brush because they actually have belief. They feel certain things are right and certain things are wrong. They usually have a foundation of faith, religious, political or otherwise, and try to live within the parameters of a personal code
Small wonder that liberals, who believe in nothing, are terrified. Small wonder that they must demonize those whom they secretly envy.
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