Thank You ACLU
By Edward Daley (12/10/04)
Now that December has finally rolled around again, the time has come for all of us to take a few moments out of our busy, workaday lives and thank the American Civil Liberties Union for all it does throughout the year on behalf of each and every U.S. citizen.
After all, if it weren't for the unyielding efforts of ACLU lawyers, there's no telling how many school children this year would have been forced by their teachers to grapple with unsavory concepts like personal responsibility, religious freedom, sexual abstinence, capitalism, parental rights, the sanctity of human life, and the dreaded G-word (formerly known as God).
Although the ACLU's exertions in these respects alone make that organization worthy of our admiration, its battles don't end in the classroom. Indeed, who among us can forget how this courageous group of folks championed the cause of halting "racial profiling" by government agencies charged with protecting us from terrorists? And aren't we lucky that people like Transportation Secretary Mineta agreed with the ACLU wholeheartedly when the new rules concerning airline passenger screening where first implemented?
The truly wondrous thing is that the good and honorable members of that august organization possessed the wisdom to refrain from fighting for the prohibition of profiling on the basis of age and gender. If you ask me, strip-searching elderly women at airports, no matter what their race, is a practice that was long overdue at the time of the World Trade Center's destruction.
These highly suspicious, and potentially dangerous individuals have been allowed to roam willy-nilly through virtually every terminal, port, waystation, and depot in the country for as long as I can remember, and it's good to see that someone has finally focussed our attention on the problem. Why we limit ourselves to probing them only in airports is a mystery to me, but that issue aside, the brain power of the people who've decided it's a good idea to ignore the ethnicity of the perpetrators of the 9/11 attacks during air traveler searches, is truly awe-inspiring.
It's also good to know that those same highly intelligent individuals are more than happy to supply free legal counsel to the various suspected terrorists we've captured, doing everything in their power to assure that guys like accused dirty-bomber, Jose Padilla, are as comfortable as possible during their pre-trial internment. As a matter of fact, he and many of his fellow prisoners may well be able to avoid enduring the harsh criminal penalties planned for them by federal prosecutors before long, and if the ACLU has anything to say about it, they will.
Furthermore, when it comes to matters such as open border initiatives, and advocating the issuance of drivers licenses to undocumented workers (formerly known as illegal aliens), few organizations can take more credit than the one about which I am writing. It certainly is comforting to know that, at some point in the future, millions of previously unqualified drivers will be flooding the highways of every state in the union.
And let us not overlook the aspect of linguistics when we celebrate the accomplishments of our most notable guardian of civil liberties. For you see, redefining common words and phrases like choice, unilateral, establishment clause, militants, and marriage, is something which can also be attributed to the ACLU, although other groups and individuals have certainly played substantial roles in that regard.
Yet, even though the ACLU has labored unendingly to achieve everything I've noted above and more, if one is to mark its most significant work to date, one need look no further than its attempt to remove predominantly Christian symbols from public squares at Christmas time. I know it's a shocking concept, but some people in this country actually believe that December the 25th is an acceptable day for openly celebrating the life of Jesus Christ, and that doing so on public property does not equate to the federal government establishing a religion.
We should all be truly grateful that the ACLU knows better, and will continue fighting for our right to not be confronted with offensive images like crosses, infants in mangers, and angels whenever we walk past public grounds.
So thank you American Civil Liberties Union. Thank you for understanding what most of us are apparently too stupid to grasp, and for having the grit and fortitude to threaten anyone who fails to do as you instruct with monetarily crippling legal action.
You have staunchly upheld the proud tradition of systematically dismantling all other proud traditions, and if God wasn't, as you've often pointed out, merely a figment of my imagination, I'd be wishing his blessings upon you right now.
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