Hollywood: Tinseletown Or Twinkieland
By Barbara Stock (12/15/04)
Most of Hollywood is still in shock. Since many of the Hollywood celeb’s are already in therapy for something, depression over the re-election of President Bush doesn’t count. In fact, it’s probably the least of their psychological problems.
Tom Hanks, reportedly a smart and likable guy and good family man, revealed to a late night talk show host that he was bewildered by the election. Hanks wondered if it was possible, just maybe, that the good people in Hollywoodland were just a tad out of touch with the real heart of America. Gee, Tom, ya think?
Doesn’t everyone get taken to work in a limo? Isn’t everyone’s every whim catered to on a minute’s notice? Don’t we all live in multi-million dollar estates protected by high walls and heavy gates that only allow fellow elite Hollywood-types in?
If there was a time when the Tom Hanks-types related to the “average Joe,” it was long, long ago and in a galaxy far, far away.
The Academy of Arts and Sciences, the Academy Awards folks, were in a terrible quandary. They desperately wanted to nominate Michael Moore’s docu-fiction, “Fahrenheit 9/11,” in the best picture category but were leery to do so. What would we common folk think of this? Would there be a backlash against the Hollywood elite for supporting a movie which actually gives aid and comfort to the enemy? Horror of horrors, would Americans from the heartland punish Hollywood via box-office revenues by staying home? It was too great a risk so rumor has it that poor little Mike Moore will be on the outside looking in this year. Moore’s greedy peddling of his film to pay-for-view cable television didn’t help his chances. But Moore is campaigning heavily for a nomination anyway.
On the other side of the piece of gold, there is Mel Gibson’s amazingly successful “Passion of the Christ.” Unable to find financial backing, Mel financed this project himself, risking just about all he had. Americans are expecting this movie to be in the running for best picture, as well it should be. But no, it will not be considered. Frantically looking for ways to keep this movie about the trial and crucifixion of Jesus Christ away from Oscar, Hollywood’s powerful people found their “Catch 22.” This movie isn’t in English it’s in Aramaic and Latin with subtitles!” cried the Hollywood moguls, so it must be in the foreign film category. No, it can’t be in the foreign film category because it isn’t a foreign film but a film made by an American. So “Passion of the Christ” will also be out in the cold. These days in liberal Hollywood, any movie about Christ or the remote possibility that there is a God, is not allowed. Mel Gibson refuses to lower himself and the movie to the level of groveling for a nomination. As a result, “Passion” stands alone and in a class by itself.
So distraught over the Bush win in November, Michael Moore took to his bed. He remained there for three days and three nights. On the third day, he rose. Moore shaved, showered, and put on an ill-fitting suit. He cut and washed his hair and made the long and arduous trek to his waiting limousine for a visit with Jay Leno on the “Tonight Show.” It must have been quite a shock for the fallen liberal hero when the crowd loudly booed the mention of his movie and cheered when he stated Bush won because “Bush got more votes.” Treachery found right in the heart of Hollywood. Adding insult to injury, Leno told Moore he looked like Republican House Speaker Denny Hastert.
Not to be deterred, Moore claimed it was not Hollywood’s fault that Kerry lost the election. The Republicans “tell better stories,” Moore said. Republicans tell better stories than the masters of the story telling--Hollywood? That, and Kerry just wasn’t a very good candidate. Surely Americans didn’t mean to elect George Bush; they just didn’t have any better option. Oh, and there was that little thing about not being attacked again and the war and all.
Moore’s new look didn’t change the man. He bragged about how he would be able to keep so much more of the millions he made on his movie because of the Bush tax cuts. Hey, Mike, you can give the government the money if you want. After all, if you offer, they will take.
Last, but certainly not least, is the Hollywood diva, Babs Streisand. After the election she took to her computer to remind us that Thomas Jefferson warned us there would be a time of witches and America would just have to be patient until the dark time passes. After the time of evil, Americans would once again recover their true sight and put the country back on the righteous path. Imagine my surprise when I realized she was talking about now! I thought she was referring to the eight years of Bill Clinton.
Ms. Streisand, the owner of a gas-guzzling RV because “I won’t use any bathroom but my own,” goes on to claim that Condoleezza Rice was a horrible failure as the National Security Chief. Of course she was, after all, wasn’t she responsible for the numerous attacks on American since 9/11? Wait--there haven’t been more attacks on American soil.
Anyone who seeks political wisdom from Barbra Streisand should try out for a remake of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” Never forget that it was this Hollywood has-been who was outraged that Bush overthrew the leader of Iran, Saddam Hussein. Anyone who can’t correctly name the country of the dictator the United States has just ousted has no business calling Ms. Rice a failure at anything.
Hollywood celebrities are stunned. As they complain about how Bush has destroyed the economy by outsourcing. They take their production crews to Canada or New Zealand because it’s cheaper. They go to their posh Hollywood parties with caviar and expensive wines barely wearing their $10,000 gowns and million dollar rings to cry about the poor and starving in America because of the evil Republicans. Most of them have no clue about what the average American feels or thinks and they don’t really care. They don’t have to care; they’re stinking rich and feel that wealth has bought them wisdom.
What most of those who live in that reality-free-zone called Hollywood don’t seem to realize is that all we Americans in the heartland want from Hollywood is a decent movie from time to time. Hollywood can keep its political preaching to itself. The tinsel is old and tarnished so I vote for “Twinkieland” from now on as the new name for Hollywood--unless the makers of “Twinkies” are offended, of course.
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