Time To Debunk Some Post-Election Myths
By Richard Davis (12/28/04)
Before we say goodbye to this election year altogether we should take a few minutes to debunk some post-election myths and to rub a little more salt into Democrats’ self-inflicted wounds.
Myth #1. The Great Campaign. In truth, George Bush won in spite of himself. He was a so-so candidate in a campaign memorable mostly for missed opportunities. Numerous times Kerry should have been knocked to the mat for good but the Bushies let him get back up and revive himself. Only the Swift-boat Veterans seemed to know how the game was played.
Take the initial question Bush was asked at that first disastrous debate. Moderator Jim Lehrer: “Do you believe the election of Sen. Kerry on November the 2nd would increase the chances of the US being hit by another 9/11-type terrorist attack?”
There it was, the question that would decide the election. It was as if Lehrer had pulled Kerry’s arms back and offered Bush a free shot at the kidneys. He could have put him away. He answered: “No. I don’t believe it’s going to happen. I believe I’m going to win, because the American people know I know how to lead. I’ve shown the American people I know how to lead…”
Imagine if he had said something like: “I don’t want to believe that would be the case, but to be honest I’m not sure what Sen. Kerry’s position is at this particular moment on the War on Terror. Given his voting record of the past 20 years and the manner in which the last Democratic administration handled terrorism, I think it’s a legitimate question for Americans to ask.” (And they did.)
One punch for Kerry’s flip-flopping, another for his dismal defense record, and a third for historic Democratic malfeasance. Kidney failure. Oh well, Bush still won.
Myth #2. We Liberals Almost Won. In retrospect, the election may not have been the mandate-maker Republicans proclaim, but that only means that the liberals’ defeat was worse than they want to admit. They mustered everything they had, mounted their most aggressive charge in more than 30 years, only to lose to a man more hated by the left than Nixon and without Nixon’s campaign skills. That was undoubtedly the left’s last best shot for a while. Their invitations to the 2008 convention have already been lost in the mail.
Myth #3. The New Theocracy. For Democrats, a defeat so wrongful and humiliating could only have one explanation--Christians. Just when you thought they’d been relegated to the sub-cable channels they rear up and ruin the country. Now you can all but forget about aborting the wife’s pregnancy and marrying your brother-in-law. Those inalienable rights are as good as gone. And your poor kids will be praying before their sex ed classes, if not during them, and be taught some cretinous notion that maybe great-great-grandpa wasn’t the knuckle-dragging ape you know damn well he was. Time to leave the country.
The Great Christian Uprising was bupkis from the start, but even now neither side wants to deny it. For liberals it reinforces their us-versus-the-pinheads mentality, while for Christians it is manna from heaven. Evangelicals in particular were euphoric to wake up Nov. 3 and discover they’d been crowned election heroes. They had no idea. Jerry Falwell was so excited he restarted the Moral Majority and almost forgot that second box of Krispy Kremes.
Myth #4. Reds and Blues. Equally convenient to both sides is the notion that the country is divided neatly into Red and Blue states. Thus if you’re a gay-bashing neo-Nazi skinhead from Michigan you’re a Blue Stater. If you’re a Greenpeace anti-war pro-Palestinian professor from Indiana you’re a Red Stater. Makes sense.
Myth #5. The CBS Truth Squad. Apparently CBS has decided to wait until Hell pretty much freezes over, or at least until peoples’ memories have grown pretty cold, before releasing the internal report on Memogate. According to reliable sources, the holdup has been caused by the necessity to forge exonerating documents of such high quality they’ll fool even fully-dressed bloggers. That takes time. Any day now, though.
Myth #6. The Banana Republic. Democrats owe Americans a huge apology for smearing the country’s reputation by claiming our elections are rigged and needful of international monitoring. Slime balls like Al Gore, Jimmy Carter, Kerry and members of the NAACP and Black Caucus deserve public contempt for this slander, and we’re wrong not to lavish it upon them.
They’re still trying to dirty America. This time it’s Ohio. Black activists say someone distributed flyers in black neighborhoods telling residents that Republicans vote on Tuesday and Democrats vote on Thursday. No need to tell blacks when independents vote. Here’s the skinny on those flyers (and I’ll keep this to single syllables): If you are so dumb to fall for that, you are way too dumb to vote. Stay on the couch.
Myth #7. Minorities Matter More. Close elections exaggerate the importance of minorities in campaigns. That leads to voter pandering and to campaign strategies designed to be as innocuous and content-free as possible. Not only is the minority effect illogical politically--there are hundreds of minority voting blocs, no one more significant than the other--but it’s also bad politics. A small increase in minority support is insignificant compared with a small increase in majority support, as this election demonstrated. Majorities matter.
Myth #8. Liberals Are Leaving. If you’re among the hordes from Jesusland taking over the country, could you please reserve a little time on Sundays to pray for this one. He doesn’t have to send them far. Canada would be fine. If you catch Him in a good mood, a slow boat to China would be even better.
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