Liberals Wage War By Throwing American Pie
By Mark Glesne (04/25/05)
Liberal college students have once again illustrated their never-ending quest for tolerance and their vast ability to think critically about ideas in opposition to their own. Yes, I’m talking about yet another pie-throwing incident involving a conservative speaker on a college campus.
The latest chapter in this pathetic story took place at Butler University on Wednesday, April 6. Conservative activist and President of the Center for the Study of Popular Culture David Horowitz was early in his lecture at Butler when he was struck with a pie.
“There’s a wave of violence on college campuses, committed by what I’d call fascists opposing conservatives,” said Horowitz.
I would agree and consequently, in true liberal fashion, I recommend stricter access to fresh fruits and a ban on all assault produce.
If you haven’t heard or have already forgotten, this is not the first pie-throwing incident of this sort. A week prior, on Wednesday, March 30, editor of the Weekly Standard William Kristol was attacked with pie during his speech pertaining to US foreign policy at Earlham College – ironically known for its peace studies program. Kristol graciously wiped the filling off his face and humorously asked the audience to “just let me finish this point.”
This trend seems to have derived from an incident at the University of Arizona last October where two young men threw pies at conservative pundit and author Ann Coulter. Proving their obviously superior intellect, the assailants told police that they were “throwing pies at her ideas not at her.” I suppose it depends on your definition of ‘throwing.’
Chock-full of ideas but unable to articulate them, liberal male college students are apparently taking full advantage of all those home economics classes they took when they were younger while conservatives were busy playing dodge ball.
I speak with liberal college students frequently and to understand this childish behavior, you must first understand the root of their angst. Since the re-election of George W. Bush, young liberals have been shame-spiraling into an existence based on one of two denials.
The first category of denial I have observed is one that states the election is not over and/or a denial that the election actually showed the American people voted for President Bush. Liberals are so unhinged about Bush’s re-election that they are still clinging to the hope that the US Commission on Civil Rights will find proof that over 3 million voters were “disenfranchised” by Bush operatives.
The other category of denial shows liberals living in a parallel universe where the next three years don’t actually exist and the 2004 election was just the kick-off to the election in 2008. Incapable of comprehending the fact that Americans actually punched a hole next to President Bush’s name – on purpose – liberals have apparently skipped the next few years mentally and decided that it’s time to gear up for 2008… with pies in hand.
Unable to get within the vicinity of President Bush, liberal students are now taking out their aggression on conservative pundits who infiltrate their socialist utopia campuses with horrible ideas like capitalism, military superiority, unbiased education and others.
While I don’t wish any more pie attacks on conservative pundits, I delight in liberals waging political war with tactics such as these. I mean come on; Ann Coulter herself can’t make liberals look this bad.
While conservative students are engaging their campuses in debate and political activism, liberals are still screaming “Bush lied!” from behind their pie-stained aprons.
Hang around your local college or university. I think you’ll see what I’m referring to. At the local university where I live I fairly recently witnessed a debate between the College Republicans and the College Democrats. To the naked eye and unbiased ear one could conclude that the Republicans were well-dressed, calm and armed with pages upon pages of facts and figures. By contrast, the Democrats were casually dressed, unorganized and resorted to emotion-based and off-the-cuff talking points in defense of their positions.
Since that particular debate Democrat club members of this particular university have been quoted as not wanting to debate their conservative counterparts for fear of more humiliation. This seems to be the trend – and I’m okay with it! Conservatives are finally fighting back on campuses and bringing speakers with conservative ideals is one of their tactics in this culture war. But watch out, if liberals at your local college campus pay attention to the news, they may return to the political stage with fruit-filled desserts.
To my fellow right-wingers I say enjoy this time. Bask with me in the glory of the presidential, congressional and senatorial victories only countered by incessant screaming, violent protests and illegal pie-throwing. Amidst the chaos from the Left I say this is – without a doubt – a great time to be a Republican.
To all the college conservatives on the front lines of their campus culture war I say delight with me. Liberals often do more for our debate than we could ever hope to do on our own. Continue to rely on intellectual debate and conversation while our counterparts rely on epithets and peace through superior fruit flinging.
Continue to engage those around you who have the capacity to understand and deliberate ideas. While incidents like these may anger you, brush that whipped cream off your shoulder and laugh with me as Democrats attempt to wage intellectual war against Republicans with pie. Finally, to steal a bit from Ann Coulter, take note of this: the Left may want to bring this fight to the streets, but remember that we’re the side with all the guns.
Mark Glesne is the marketing/communications specialist for a software corporation in Southern California, a free lance writer, and a United States Marine Corps reservist.
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