Letter To Billy
By Tom Adkins (05/05/05)
The prodigal liberal son goes to the dark side.
Recently, a good friend of mine lamented that her son was becomong (gasp) conservative. A lifetime liberal, she is truly wondering what went wrong. Here is my letter to her son.
TA
Dear Billy.
Remember those bad fashion days of the 80s? Big hair. Spandex. Spiked hair. And those silly 70s? Platform shoes. Leisure suits. And glitter. Lots of glitter. The 60s? Nehru jackets. Bell bottoms. Granny glasses. Flowers and beads. Truly hilarious. America has seen big-hoop skirts, stovepipe hats, impossibly-cinched corsets, poodle skirts and zoot suits. You name it, we’ve tried it.
Remenmber, all these embarrassing ideas were once cool. Yet every time a bad fashion trend has expired, most of us eventually admit we looked stupid, laugh, we went back to what worked. Jeans. Nice suits. Good shoes. The very best designs never go out of fashion.
Politics shares a lot with fashion. Especially American politics. Originally, America was founded with the concept of individual freedom. But all along, we’ve tried different political fashions. In the 20s, Communism was fashionable. Then came 30s socialism, flowed by 50s “progressives.” In the 60s, liberalism became the latest fad. Each time, the political fashion of the moment looked interesting, but later faded as old fashioned conservative politics proved much more attractive. That’s why, since 1980, America has been moving steadily back to the right. We just look silly wearing socialism.
That brings me to your parents.
Apparently, they are horrified that you are becoming a conservative. After all, they have lived a life of liberalism, and they expected you to do the same. But like all parents, they weren’t prepared for the day you began to think for yourself.
I’m guessing It may have started when half of your first paycheck went to the government. Could be that annoying algebra teacher who wasted half the class ranting against George Bush, then graded you accordingly. Maybe you couldn’t figure out what’s wrong with freeing 80 million people from evil America-hating terrorists. Or perhaps every time you talk with liberals, there’s something about them that makes your skin crawl. And unfortunately, when Mom and Dad talk politics, you start itching.
And here’s the kicker. it’s not a revolt against parental authority. It’s because you discovered their liberal legacy is awful. The Welfare State? Failed. Social Security? Failed. Medicare? Failing. Public schools? Miserable. All these fabulous something-for-nothing schemes waste gargantuan gobs of money. And they’re sticking you with the bill.
But your conservatism will be cemented when you get married and try to raise kids through a society and entertainment media that convinces your kids to be decadent drunks and sluts, all courtesy of the liberal crusade against morality.
There is one difference between coonskin hats and Communism, however. During the 20th Century, over 150 million people died in the name of Communism and socialism. And from Pol Pot to Josef Stalin, from the Sandinistas to Saddam Hussein, From Marx and Lenin to Chairman Mao, the American Left has always ignored socialist horrors and defended our enemies. Why? Because American liberals have much more in common with Fidel Castro than George Washington. Yet liberals make it fashionable. See those idiots running around wearing the red and black Che Guevera shirts? Your Mom & Dad vote with them. And that's a lot worse than wrap-around sunglasses.
But enough about the follies of American liberals. Why are you thinking about conservatism? That’s the question. Certainly, the right-wing record looks fabulous in the limelight of history. Whether it was Ronald Reagan, George Bush, Newt Gingrich, or any conservative pundit, Republican philosophy has always worn well. Our tax cuts always created a better economy. Our stands against an overbearing government proved well founded. Our defense of morality actually looks sensible. And our battles against Americas enemies have always looked sharp.
It’s a classic showdown. One-piece or two-piece? Tux or suit? Casual or dress? In political fashion, conservatives think the individual should have freedom to make decisions. Liberals think the government can run your life better than you do. Which fashion looks good to you?
And that takes us back to your parents. Why do they cling to a clearly failed political philosophy? It’s all about fashion. Your folks bought into liberalism when it was trendy. Popular. All their friends were doing it. But like those 90s kids who got tribal barbed wire tattooed around their wrists, your folks spent a lifetime having liberalism tattooed deep into their brains. They may have tossed away their bell-bottoms, but they just can’t part with their precious liberalism. See, changing clothes is easier than changing politics. They don’t make zoot suits anymore. But someone’s always selling something-for-nothing. And someone’s always buying.
That’s why Mom and Dad have they have a hard time changing. They don’t even realize their liberalism looks more like a political leisure suit every day. And why you are leaning towards conservatism? Probably because you’ve figured this out. So, while you may be disappointed with your folks, even embarrassed, the least you can do is help. Offer them some fashion advice. Get hip. Liberalism is out. Conservatism is cool. Get with it.
(Printer friendly version) Email: Tom Adkins
