Teens in Danger
By Tom Barrett (08/01/05)
Parents, the bad news is that your children, particularly those at the age of puberty and above, are in grave danger. They are in danger of ruining their lives and their future marriages through pre-marital sex, with all its attendant dangers. These include AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases (STD's), pregnancy, and a host of emotional problems. The good news is that you can do something about it.
I was saddened and angered by this note from a young man in New Jersey that was sent to Reader's Digest: "I'm 16 and have had only one girlfriend because people think I'm strange. Girls, at least where I live, aren't willing to date someone who won't engage in pre-marital sex, and I find THAT strange."
I wish I could tell this young man that such sick attitudes were limited to where he lives, but unfortunately teens nationwide are under the same pressure. Even in the "Heartland" and the "Bible Belt", it's almost as hard to find a teen over 16 who is still a virgin as it is to find a Democrat who stands for lower taxes.
Seriously, a diligent search of the Internet shows the percentage of teens having engaged in sexual intercourse before the age of 18 at anywhere from 50 to 90. The discrepancies could be due to the way the questions were asked, embarrassment of the respondent, or confusion over what "virginity" is. Teens who have engaged in high-risk sex of other types that fall short of intercourse may still consider themselves "virgins".
Regardless of which statistics one uses, I find them all frightening. When I was in high school, most kids would have been ashamed to disclose that they had had sex. Now kids are made to feel that they are somehow abnormal if they don't risk their health, their emotions and their spiritual lives by engaging in pre-marital sex.
In the article titled "National Statistics on Abstinence" (see LINK below), the top 5 factors that help young people avoid becoming sexually active are:
1) Having made a pledge to remain abstinent.
2) Adolescent connectedness with parents
3) Connectedness with school
4) Having a strong religious identity
5) Having parents who disapprove of adolescent sexual activity
At the same link, the results of a survey by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy revealed that of kids under 15 who had had sex, more than 1/2 of teen boys (55%) and the great majority of teen girls (72%) said they wish they had waited longer to have sex.
In 2001, Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Tommy G. Thompson revealed these results from and HHS survey of kids 12 to 16 years of age. The risk for boys to engage in pre-marital sex was:
1) 6 times higher if they had ever used alcohol
2) Nearly 5 times higher if they had ever smoked marijuana
3) Nearly 7 times higher if they were high school dropouts
4) Nearly 4 times higher if they had ever been arrested
For girls 12 to 16 years old, the risk was:
1) 6 times higher if they had ever used alcohol
2) More than 10 times higher if they had ever smoked marijuana
3) Nearly 4 times higher if they were high school dropouts
4) 9 times higher if they had ever been arrested
So where's the good news in all of this? How can parents prevent their children from falling into this statistical hell-hole?
Start when your kids are toddlers. If they are older, start NOW. Two of the five factors that help young people avoid becoming sexually active listed above are directly related to parenting: #2, "Adolescent connectedness with parents"; and #5, "Having parents who disapprove of adolescent sexual activity."
"Adolescent connectedness" doesn't start when your kids are adolescents. If you don't start connecting with your kids and instilling your values in them when they are very young, you will find it harder and harder to do so as they get older. We started teaching our daughter about what we approved and disapproved as soon as she could talk. There is absolutely no question in her mind about how we feel about "adolescent sexual activity" or ANY sexual activity outside of the bonds of marriage.
Item #4 on the list speaks of "Having a strong religious identity." If your kids go to public school (and many private schools, as well), they are being taught "situational ethics"; in other words, "If it feels good, do it." Most of the current principals, administrators and department heads are from my generation, the "flower power", "sexual revolution" generation that brought us AIDS, dramatically increased rates of teen pregnancies, divorce ending 50% of marriages, and people "living together" without the commitment of marriage.
If your children don't have a strong foundation in the Word of God, how are they going to stand up to teachers who tell them, "It's perfectly natural and OK to have sex as long as you use 'safe sex' - i.e., a condom." They need to know without any equivocation what God calls 'safe sex': waiting until you are married.
For the reasons given above, I'm not so sure that item #3, "Connectedness with school," is much of a deterrent, unless the school is a strong Bible-teaching Christian school. But I am absolutely convinced that #1. "Having made a pledge to remain abstinent," can be a great help. Kids need to know that they are not alone, and knowing that other kids all across the country are standing with them can help give them the strength to resist temptation.
Our government spends millions of dollars passing out condoms in schools and telling kids, "We know you're going to do it anyway, so be safe when you do." But sensible people have convinced some agencies to support abstinence programs such as the "Silver Ring Thing." (See LINK below, "Taking the Pledge.) Naturally, anti-God organizations like the ACLU and Planned Parenthood have sued to stop such funding, but they have failed.
There are dozens of great programs like these that can help your kids stay pure until they marry, or pledge to maintain "Secondary Virginity" (see LINK below) by promising to stop all sexual activity until marriage if they have already lost their virginity. But ultimately the responsibility is yours. The Bible says that if you "Train up a child in the way which he should go, when he is old he will not depart from it."
That verse is both an instruction and a promise. God tells you in His Word how you should raise your child. If you bring your child up in a Godly way, you have God's promise that He will help your child stay on the right path. And if for whatever reason you are not attending church with your child (I didn't say "sending your child to church"), you'd better run to the nearest Bible-believing church. Because you can't do it alone.
INTERNET RESEARCH:
National Statistics in Abstinence
http://choosetoday.org/nationalStats/index.asp?ident=main:whatYouShouldKnow.nationalStats
"Secondary" Virginity
http://www.rmfc.org/fs/fs0001.html
25 Important Things That Virginity Has Going for It
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Teens Who Make Virginity Pledges Have Substantially Improved Life Outcomes
http://www.heritage.org/Research/Family/cda04-07.cfm
Abstinence Pledge for Young Men
http://www.teencarecenter.org/index.php?s=waiting&p=men
The Truth About Abstinence Pledges from Dr. James Dobson
http://www.family.org/cforum/fnif/news/a0036861.cfm
Taking the Pledge
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/05/20/60minutes/main696975.shtml
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