Hey Liberals: Better Save Mars from Global Warming
By Pete Fisher (09/22/05)
I was reading this article today (http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20050920214309990011)
on how Mars is warming up rapidly and earthquakes may be a concern around the Martian sphere.
All I seem to hear lately is how Earth is warming up, and due to air pollution we have become the cause of Global Warming and therefore are the major cause of tidal waves, earthquakes, and hurricanes. Talk to any die hard Liberal and that is exactly what they spew to all of us non-conforming, Earth killing Conservatives.
The funny thing is Global Warming is not a proven theory in many minds and scientific studies. There seem to be as many theories and studies bashing this Global Warming theory as there are in support of it. So we are left to our own thoughts as individuals on the subject, taking it with a grain of salt or swallowing the bait entirely so we can run amok yelling “The sky is falling!” as we induce fear into people and live with the constant threat of heart attacks as we await the doom supposedly perpetuated upon mankind by industry.
Now I am all for pollution controls and I happen to love a healthy environment and all that goes with it. I also believe that as an industrialized nation we are the cleanest when comparing amount of industry on a per capita basis with other nations. Yet Liberals and Europeans tend to attack America as the worst and vilest offender in the world. Yet we never seem to hear about Mexico City, Manila, Moscow, Beijing, Shanghai, and other numerous and far worse offenders.
Because when looking at the governments of those nations and their leaders, we all know they could give a flip about pollution or the environment. And even those who do care less about world opinion which the Liberals in America seem to thrive on. Doubt me? Anyone reading this can fly into Mexico City or manila and see firsthand what type of pollution we do NOT have anymore in America. Walking downtown Manila, I feel a nice greasy brownish film over my skin that gets into the pores of my skin and clothing after just a few blocks. It leaves a taste in ones mouth that hangs around like Cindy Sheehan after it causes damage to the taste buds.
But we are assaulted as the ones who are responsible for saving the world. The prices of gas rise to unheard of rates, and yet Liberals will refuse new refineries and drilling to save an insect they have never even seen outside of the internet realm. But after reading this article on Mars I REALLY await the stupidity to gush forth from Liberals on how Global Warming is so tremendously huge that even Mars is being affected from 65 million miles away.
I await the remarks that because Bush refused the Kyoto Treaty, the Martian landscape will be decimated from Earthquakes and heat.
I await the conspiracy theories as to how Bush and all Conservatives are responsible for this extraterrestrial tragedy, and how we are all to blame for not sending FEMA or the EPA to Mars in time to stop it all.
I await the story of how some crazed Republican flew to Mars on a secret government mission and planted explosives beneath the polar cap to have a reason to wage war against Martians.
I wait to be intensely awed at the facts they will pull from thin air that will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Republicans have ruined Mars and we need to elect a Liberal to stave off this rampant destruction bought on by Republicans.
Sounds a little crazy? Well, since Katrina nothing surprises me anymore as to how far the Liberals will go to concoct stories in their crusade against the Moral Majority in America. Or to what lengths they will go to show how evil Christianity and Conservatives really are. They will refuse to listen to facts and jump en masse onto the Propaganda Train running chaotically through the streets and work places with their petty distortions with no other agenda than to elect one of their own again. They simply desire a leader who will never wage war no matter what, who will embrace and legalize immoral matters and social situations, and someone who will Socialize the nation and bring to ruin the system we have that allows hard working people to get ahead instead of depending on the government and other hard working citizens.
So my solution is to bring as much attention to Martian Global Warming as we can. This way we can incite the Liberals to crusade the destruction we have wrought upon alien soil. Then we can revive the NASA initiative to send ships to Mars.
We can tell the Liberals that they can settle Mars. Free land, free ride there, and let them know in advance they can refuse to post “In God We Trust” and the Ten Commandments on Martian soil.
Then we take a few billion dollars and make sure it does not go into the best O rings and safety studies for this ship, telling Liberals that the money is going into an African AIDS fund. And then we pack them all in nice and tightly where they will have no problems holding hands while singing “We Are The World” or polluting the air with aerosol deodorant. And we Conservatives can line up with all of our Hitler mustaches and sing “God Bless America” while firing our guns into the air as a final sendoff.
And before I forget, lets’ not poison space with rocket fuel fumes. Let’s send the up using a hybrid engine from a new Toyota.
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